2010 at a Glance

2010 has been a very challenging year for me. Tomorrow is supposed to be the last day of 2010 and I feel a little overwhelmed about the coming new year.

I started 2010 with a whimper, I know. I did not want to wake up on the new year and I did not bother to write on my new diary.

That is why I probably lost that diary over the piles of my old ones. In fact, I could not clearly remember how I spend my new year.

I don't want to forget this one though. I want it to be different this time.

January marked a lot of changes in my life. I resigned from my Local School Board Post and applied for a new job - that of being a Mobile Teacher for ALS.

I could not wait to get started. The first quarter saw me traipsing back and forth Passi City and Salngan. I was immature and I was very excited but I was also very lost and confused.

Summer was spent at WVSU for my Master's Degree. Nothing much there except I was not very attentive with my classes as I was once. I guess the career shift has made an impact in my life.

Bu June, things were picking up. I was made to do things I did not expect. Things I considered totally out of my league: like helping prepare plans and such - which I did not get to do much of before.

I also had to present in front of the Local School Board and the newly elected City Mayor at one time. Then, we also had to present about our programs and projects to all the Punong Barangay in the different barangays of the city.

I also had my first, official out of town trip - to Baguio nonetheless to attend the National Literacy Conference and Awards at Teachers Camp. I had my first airplane ride, my first view of Manila and then, Baguio. I loved the trip.

After Baguio, I felt I could take on anything. I have never been that far away from home before. Although I was with my boss at that time, it still felt cool to actually be doing things on your own.

Then, there was the Cebu seminar on the use of the ALS eManual at DepEd Ecotech. It was enlightening. And I went to Cebu all alone and even made the strange taxi ride from Mactan International Airport to Cebu City on my own.

That day, I learned I could do a lot of things even when I am alone. It annoyed my mother that I actually forgot to send a text message to my mother telling her that I have arrived at DepEd Ecotech Cebu. Well, I actually fell asleep and woke up at 3PM. It was a tiring trip!

BY November, I managed to procure a laptop which will keep in debt for a year, I guess, but still, little Acer is a good partner in crime. I am afraid I am spending a little too much time with him plotting and researching and reading like crazy... Sigh, I love those ebooks.

By December, I was able to help organize our participation in the Alumni Homecoming of our school. It was a new experience for me because I usually avoid reunions and such. The only reunions I attend were those of SILAK,the Official Publication of the College of Education of West Visayas State University (God, I missed saying that!).

It was an unforgettable year because of so many new things for me. The changes in my life and in my career has allowed for a glimpse of the me I never saw before - the person who can actually adapt to life and others. Oh, there were moments when I preferred hiding in my room than facing the outside world but I only have to ask for God's guidance and I managed to pry myself away from the proverbial chair.

The only things I missed this year are: a) family reunions , b) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, c)The Chronicles of Narnia 3 (what was the title again?), d)a love life, e) Teaching English and Literacture, f ) teaching inside a classroom and, g)Silak Reunion (something happened to stop me from going).

I hope to make it next year though. I don't mind the absence of a love life because I still have so many responsibilities to see to. I still miss teaching English and Literature though. I miss the challenge and sometimes, I feel the need to study and teach the subjects eating me inside out. It has become a craving of my soul to walk into a classroom and teach oridnary high school students about the beauty and the wonder of the written word especially those in such a beautiful language as English...

Once a teacher, always a teacher...No one can take my heart away from that first love and longing and so, I will always long for that...

Anyway, another year is coming to a close...I hope to welcome the 1st day of January in the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Eleven with a clean slate...

A blessed new year for everyone...

A Look at My Life

I was never really into New Years Resolutions.

Every time our teachers asked us to write some, I would just scoff and write things I did not really mean at that time. I just needed to finish what was required. So, I usually made vague promises to myself.Promises that I never really meant to fulfill.

And why was that? Because I did not really know what I wanted.

But now, at 25, things seem to have taken on a fresher perspective. Before, I never really knew what I wanted because I did not know who I was. When I was a kindergartner, I never cared about anything but my little self-important self. In grade school, the girl that I was did not care about anything other than having fun (and Prince William). In high school, the geek that I was never cared for anything else other than books, books, more books and academic success ( and pulp fiction and Prince William.In college, the obsessed academic scholar that I was was totally into learning, more learning, philosophy, books and more books (and Prince William and SILAK).

After those very organized years, bedlam...Everything disintegrated on my graduation day. I remember spending the remaining morning after rehearsal in front of the computer at the SILAK office and I recall thinking (while playing Zuma)what the hell am I going to do with my life? What next?

I no longer have the routine I used to detest so much. After the review for the licensure exam and the wait for the results and the job applications, I was really lost. I still had my books but there was no longer the same purpose...

Then I got the job but I was more lost. The teacher that I was, the novice, the neophyte, the beginner so wanted to please everyone that she forgot the real essence of teaching.Then, I tried focusing too much on my students and immediately lost all form of respect towards authority.

I was in a strange struggle. I was not really equipped to deal with the real world. So, after three years, I left the formal school and became a Mobile Teacher for ALS ( a stranger world, if you know what I mean).

But, with this new job came new challenges. Challenges and experiences that I have been hiding away from. Meet people, adjust to people, help people...I never had the opportunity to do that in a big way.

In getting so lost, I guess I found myself. I now know what I want from life.I want to live a simple life, a life that is secure and a life that is peaceful.I don't want or need money, fame or power. I like being myself. Simple but sincere. I like my life the way it is and I would not change a thing.

If I could turn back the clock and change something, I will not change a thing.

So this Christmas, let me give a toast for the wonder life I have led thus far.Let me thank God for brilliantly writing a story such as mine. It may not make the bestseller's list, but it's God's work anyway.

I hope to write a life lived sincerely from this day forward. No bitterness. No negativity. No pretensions. Just God, my family, my friends, and myself in it...

Heaven Almighty

(A throwback to watching Bruce Almighty and Evan Almighty last weekend.)

The bedrock of my life is eroding beneath me. Bruce Nolan (Jim Carry)cried this Nolan when he did not get the anchor job he so wanted.

I cried out this line when I found out that my long time crush, obsession and fascination was actually getting married.

Yeah, talk about adolescent angst carried over to twisted adulthood.

Anyway, I have been in crush with the guy since I was eleven years old. That was back to the time when I did not believe in fairy tales and Santa Claus. Because of him, I started believing in happily ever afters, in the great vast unknown and in destiny.

It was this guy who made me very interested to know things around me. He made me want to learn about the world, his world and my world. He inspired me to read about things that I do not know about. He made me long for fairytales, for distant places, for the future.

I have files of articles, pictures and what not's about him. I kept them all and even brought them whenever I travel. I write letters to the guy which I kept in my file.

Whenever I fall out of crush, I always "tell" him and feel comforted afterwards. He kept me sane for the most insane part of my development. He kept me grounded but allowed me to soar and use my imagination and my love of reading. Because of him, I got hooked to regency romances, then historical romances and then off to anything English.

Partly because of him, I took up English as my major because I wanted to be an English teacher.

I stopped consulting and getting comfort from him after I graduated from college. That was also just about the time that I stopped believing in marriage.

Then, last Tuesday, I opened my box, found his file and I started going over it. Once more, he gave me comfort and delight and belief in the future. But with that came the realization that I love the guy already. Why? Because he was a fairly decent fellow who taught me all about life, who kept his sanity despite the break up of his parents marriage and his mother's death. Despite the abnormality of his life, the temptations, the difficulties - the guy was able to grow up decently.

The next day, on that Wednesday, I just had to hear the announcement over Bombo radyo. I was on my way to catch the Salngan jeep and I just had to hear that. Prince William is marrying his long time sweet heart.

Yes, I was talking about Prince William, my long time crush. It was William who inspired me to study really hard. I remember spending one afternoon lying on our school library floor just reading an encyclopedia on United Kingdom.I studied English literature, studied UK in detail, read regency and historical romance novels set in England, Wales and Scotland, fell in love with Shakespeare and Blake because of my obsession with English lit.Unearthed Austen and Wilde too. Darn. He has lead me to a lot of interests. He also made me a voracious internet user in high school (at a time when the per hour rent was P30.00).

I was so jealous of one of my classmates who also had a crush on him. Now, that classmate is a happy Mom and I am still obsessing with William.

So, bedrock - of - my - life - is - eroding - beneath - me - line should suitably describe how i feel.

Anyway, I hope the marriage will be a happy, successful and fruitful one. But do they have to use Princess Diana's engagement ring?

WARNING!

To be deleted....
Coming soon.....

Renewal

Should I call this an untitled first?

Nah...ever since I left the classroom, I had not posted anything...probably because I wanted to savor the carefree life of a person who wanted to see the rest of the world..

And am I seeing the world? You bet...

I am a changed person now and I have learned a lot about myself, what I really wanted and what would make me happy. This is very essential.

This will pave the way for the sharing of self that is beyond what I thought I was capable of.

Am I happy? I am as happy as I let myself be...so, yeah...I just gave myself the permission to be happy.

My job is a difficult and demanding one despite the ease in pressure...but it is teaching me things that I never really expected to learn in this lifetime.

I feel blessed that I was given this chance after all...and anyway, I am still working on that novel...i just uploaded a novel writing software last month and I hope it will help.

An Untitled First

I am in the process of writing a Tagalog romance story. I have not yet finished it. Its only fifteen pages as of now... and yes, I intend to post the things here.

It does not have a title at the moment (and I am not proud of that fact). It does not follow a lay out, thus it will be a painful reading matter. I allowed my characters to run amock in the scenes.

I can't seem to work if the material is too organized. I have tried that several times and I always get stumped somewhere in Chapter VIII.

I hope I can post this before election ends because it involves local politics.

It's not literary. It's more mushy, pulpy type of write up. But I like writing them so whose to blame me.

It has adult content. You'll love the love scenes. They are quite lukewarm.

I hope to finish it soon....

Pagbabago

Everybody wants change. I guess it all started with my fb fiasco.but,my next blog entry will be different.