WARNING: I am in a religious, philosophical and mystical mood.
I am a carping, whining, complaining, fault-finding, nit-picking, grousing sort of person. (in short, mareklamo).
Everyday, I always find something to grouch about. In fact, this blog is littered with moans, and groans and all sorts of expressions of dissatisfaction.
I always have fun poking around in my brain talking about how unfair the world is and how difficult life is and how miserable people make me and how others bully me around and how I am being used.
I am a grouch, an honest to goodness evil little twerp who messes with her brain about how the world conspires to make life one hellish journey.
I always mutter about my fate, my lot in life and my miserable existence. And I like making myself cry at night… (yeah) about how ugly and fat I am and about how I never had any boyfriend (haha, daw laon), and how I have never tasted what a kiss feels like (can’t even imagine it) and how stupid I would feel in the morning because of doing so.
Anyway, when I listened to DYBS around lunchtime today, I learned that I am not supposed to feel like it. That I should not grouch.
It is unseemly for a Christian to grouch. According to the pastor, If is not worst than what Jesus suffered on the cross, hindi iyun dapat sabihing mahirap. Nakakahiya.
He even mentioned about not being recognized for hard work and feeling bad about it. He said that Jesus himself was crucified by the very people He fed, one time, and He even asked forgiveness for them.
He said that if we follow Jesus’s example, tataas ang ating threshold of pain. We would no longer be the pitiful, whining little mortals. Instead, papasalamatan natin ang lakas na ibinigay niya para makayanan ang mga pagsubok. (My Filipino is a little bit rusty).
Whinings, bickerings, complaining only makes us weak. It dispirits those around us. Nawawalan sila ng drive to continue. It only makes others feel bad so we should not indulge in this selfish thing.
One of Jesus’ ministry is to give Himself and to serve others. And if we want to follow Him, this should also be our goal.
The pastor also mentioned two problems that make this difficult:
Selfishness
Doubt
So we should always ask God not to give us faith (the fact that we are praying to Him shows we have faith). We should ask Him to increase our faith.
And remember:
Everything is possible for him who believes.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Strange Requirements
It is clearance week at last. A time, one really childish and spiteful teacher exclaimed, to get even.
Students who used to terrorize teachers or at least make teacher’s life difficult will now have their comeuppance.
I guess that is sort of , hehe, frightening. Because teachers sort of controls the strings totally.
Anyway, I forgot all about clearance hassles in highschool because when I went to college, our clearances were left to the hands of our chairperson who slaved over it one whole week before the final examinations.
Going back to my old alma mater surprised me about how clearance week has become a sort of doomsweek for the students.
I guess I contributed my own share of trouble this year by requiring them to:
1. submit their students profile
2. submit their notebooks (complete)
3. return their books
4. pay their back accounts
But, I think mine is minor compared to what is usually practiced.
Here are some of the strange requirements that teachers usually require students for their clearances to be signed:
compost/humus
- even non TLE (Technology and Livelihood Ed) classes requires these. I know of some Filipino, science and math teachers who have asked for these
Rocks (or igang)
brooms
P5
- I don’t know what these were for. I just heard one social studies teacher requiring these.
plants (daang buhi guid)
plastic cover
manila paper
file case
basketball ball/volleyball ball (ha?) for those who have no PE books
trowels
atbp.
Yes, definitely atbp.
Teachers have the freedom to request whatever they want from students at this point in time. No one would say no. Kahadluk lang nila.
Students no longer says much at this point as long as mapirmahan lang ang clearances nila.
Teachers, as years pass by, get more creative. During my highschool heydays, the worst things that a teacher would ask you to bring are a compilation of your projects for the school year (that was in our social studies class).
I know of one former classmate who asked his students to buy DVD/CD tapes of several films he required.
One of the teachers of my sisters once asked them to contribute several pesoses for a tape and a player.
Whew.
Right now, I am thinking about a nice requirement from my students in the years to come.
How about…a prospective boyfriend? Or a house and lot maybe?or why not a new cellphone? Or an mp3 player (mp ano dun ya uso subong man?)
What do you think? Feel free to add your requests. Sky’s the limit.
Students who used to terrorize teachers or at least make teacher’s life difficult will now have their comeuppance.
I guess that is sort of , hehe, frightening. Because teachers sort of controls the strings totally.
Anyway, I forgot all about clearance hassles in highschool because when I went to college, our clearances were left to the hands of our chairperson who slaved over it one whole week before the final examinations.
Going back to my old alma mater surprised me about how clearance week has become a sort of doomsweek for the students.
I guess I contributed my own share of trouble this year by requiring them to:
1. submit their students profile
2. submit their notebooks (complete)
3. return their books
4. pay their back accounts
But, I think mine is minor compared to what is usually practiced.
Here are some of the strange requirements that teachers usually require students for their clearances to be signed:
compost/humus
- even non TLE (Technology and Livelihood Ed) classes requires these. I know of some Filipino, science and math teachers who have asked for these
Rocks (or igang)
brooms
P5
- I don’t know what these were for. I just heard one social studies teacher requiring these.
plants (daang buhi guid)
plastic cover
manila paper
file case
basketball ball/volleyball ball (ha?) for those who have no PE books
trowels
atbp.
Yes, definitely atbp.
Teachers have the freedom to request whatever they want from students at this point in time. No one would say no. Kahadluk lang nila.
Students no longer says much at this point as long as mapirmahan lang ang clearances nila.
Teachers, as years pass by, get more creative. During my highschool heydays, the worst things that a teacher would ask you to bring are a compilation of your projects for the school year (that was in our social studies class).
I know of one former classmate who asked his students to buy DVD/CD tapes of several films he required.
One of the teachers of my sisters once asked them to contribute several pesoses for a tape and a player.
Whew.
Right now, I am thinking about a nice requirement from my students in the years to come.
How about…a prospective boyfriend? Or a house and lot maybe?or why not a new cellphone? Or an mp3 player (mp ano dun ya uso subong man?)
What do you think? Feel free to add your requests. Sky’s the limit.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
The Raving Lunatic
Brain: What do you want? Adulation?
Me: Not exactly…
Brain: huh?
Me: (eyebrows raised)
Brain: Go. Grovel, beg. Make them worship you.
Me: (frown)
Brain: Of course I know. I know you well. (sniggers and looks mocking)
Me: (turns away)
What do you do when confronted with the truth?
Ako? Well, I usually give the truth-teller a confused stare and leave as fast as I could. But, when it is yourself who reveals the truth, what do you do?
Ako? (again) I go to the Adoration chapel and ask God to help me.
Well, yeah. God does not answer me back, but it does make me feel a little bit better knowing I can whine and cry and blame God for awhile.
Anyway, I do feel bad just about now. Why?
Every earthly thing I did keeps haunting me. And in the end, I realized, I got nothing out of all the things I did. And that makes me feel really bad.
I gave up the things I have always wanted to do because I did the things which I have to do for others.
And what did the others have to say afterwards? Thank you? Good job plus a pat on the back or head (as if I were an attention-hungry dog).And then, another can you do this for me….
Makes me feel tired….
Bitter…
A little bit angry…
…And disillusioned…
And now, where are the others? Gone with the wind I guess. They have already forgotten me.
I guess, I am going to get absolutely selfish next year. It is going to be me, me and more me… and maybe God.
God never leaves you alone. He is there, always. Sometimes, the fact that you are aware of his presence, that he is watching, makes doing odd things a little bit eerie, weird. It makes you feel conscious.
I guess, I was right to say that in every event in our life, all we really have are memories. And sometimes, memories can be taken away.
How sad.
I know when I reread this blog in the future; I would smile and think, I was like this before. When I was too young, not mature enough and bloody self-centered and selfish.
I am not mad with the world. No. I am just a little bit disillusioned and unhappy.
Me: Not exactly…
Brain: huh?
Me: (eyebrows raised)
Brain: Go. Grovel, beg. Make them worship you.
Me: (frown)
Brain: Of course I know. I know you well. (sniggers and looks mocking)
Me: (turns away)
What do you do when confronted with the truth?
Ako? Well, I usually give the truth-teller a confused stare and leave as fast as I could. But, when it is yourself who reveals the truth, what do you do?
Ako? (again) I go to the Adoration chapel and ask God to help me.
Well, yeah. God does not answer me back, but it does make me feel a little bit better knowing I can whine and cry and blame God for awhile.
Anyway, I do feel bad just about now. Why?
Every earthly thing I did keeps haunting me. And in the end, I realized, I got nothing out of all the things I did. And that makes me feel really bad.
I gave up the things I have always wanted to do because I did the things which I have to do for others.
And what did the others have to say afterwards? Thank you? Good job plus a pat on the back or head (as if I were an attention-hungry dog).And then, another can you do this for me….
Makes me feel tired….
Bitter…
A little bit angry…
…And disillusioned…
And now, where are the others? Gone with the wind I guess. They have already forgotten me.
I guess, I am going to get absolutely selfish next year. It is going to be me, me and more me… and maybe God.
God never leaves you alone. He is there, always. Sometimes, the fact that you are aware of his presence, that he is watching, makes doing odd things a little bit eerie, weird. It makes you feel conscious.
I guess, I was right to say that in every event in our life, all we really have are memories. And sometimes, memories can be taken away.
How sad.
I know when I reread this blog in the future; I would smile and think, I was like this before. When I was too young, not mature enough and bloody self-centered and selfish.
I am not mad with the world. No. I am just a little bit disillusioned and unhappy.
Lost in Space
Wala lang. Feel lang ya title.
I am going to take my M. A. Ed entrance test this coming Saturday.
Am I excited? You bet.
I guess, I just like the independent dependence of student life. That is what I missed most about being a student for almost 16 years of my life.
You follow a student friendly system. You get to live with your ideals and you always have the excuse of youth for every screw ups you commit.
Life was definitely the best when you were a student. You simply have the best of all worlds. I guess, I managed to explore most of the academic side of all things. I was not the “maller” type and I only started malling when I found out that malls have books in them.
I was also not the “movies-type” since I found going to movies alone or even with friends very expensive. I also can’t see very well in the dark and the fact that I am inside a dark chamber makes me feel a little bit ill.
I was also not the “nights-out, party-girl type” (I was more the party-pooper type). I haven’t entered a disco pub or bar (ever) and I always feel out of place during school affairs that requires hotel entrances. I even did not attend our Senior’s Night in college.
I was the library-girl type, the straight-from-school-to-home type. I spent most of my spare time in the library, the publication office and the canteen.
I also did not get along very well with other people. In fact, many would attest to my absolute lack of social polish (I do not even have nail polish).
This time however, I am going to do everything that a student is supposed to do.
And no, I do not really mean going to malls, movies and parties. What I mean is I am going to open my mind and heart this time.
I am not just going to use my brain in this endeavor but my passion to learn and do everything.
I want to rediscover my old ideals and beliefs.
I am going to take my M. A. Ed entrance test this coming Saturday.
Am I excited? You bet.
I guess, I just like the independent dependence of student life. That is what I missed most about being a student for almost 16 years of my life.
You follow a student friendly system. You get to live with your ideals and you always have the excuse of youth for every screw ups you commit.
Life was definitely the best when you were a student. You simply have the best of all worlds. I guess, I managed to explore most of the academic side of all things. I was not the “maller” type and I only started malling when I found out that malls have books in them.
I was also not the “movies-type” since I found going to movies alone or even with friends very expensive. I also can’t see very well in the dark and the fact that I am inside a dark chamber makes me feel a little bit ill.
I was also not the “nights-out, party-girl type” (I was more the party-pooper type). I haven’t entered a disco pub or bar (ever) and I always feel out of place during school affairs that requires hotel entrances. I even did not attend our Senior’s Night in college.
I was the library-girl type, the straight-from-school-to-home type. I spent most of my spare time in the library, the publication office and the canteen.
I also did not get along very well with other people. In fact, many would attest to my absolute lack of social polish (I do not even have nail polish).
This time however, I am going to do everything that a student is supposed to do.
And no, I do not really mean going to malls, movies and parties. What I mean is I am going to open my mind and heart this time.
I am not just going to use my brain in this endeavor but my passion to learn and do everything.
I want to rediscover my old ideals and beliefs.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
A Poison Post
A poison letter almost destroyed a superintendent. This post is an example of a poison post. Oh, I know it would not destroy the things I hate but at least, it would expel them from my mind.
This is my hatelist
Nick Jonas
I dislike Nick. I do not know why, I just don’t like him. He keeps getting all the vocals when he is not actually that good. I don’t like listening to him wail his songs out. They were beautiful songs but listening to him is killing me.
Miley Cyrus
I hate her too. My sister’s talk about her a lot and that makes me hate her.
Mathematics
If I become the DepEd Secretary, I would erase mathematics from the school curriculum
Him
He is someone I really do not know but has come to hate because of his pretentious wise-ass attitude and his crappy rudeness online. Go to hell!
Misconceptions
I hate them. I abhor them. Believing that something is not what it is and finding out later how silly you have become over it is a disgusting and harrowing experience.
Doing house chores
I hate doing them. When I was young, my mother tried to impress upon me the beauty of hard work. They all tried to make me believe that a woman’s place is in the home. Huh. That is why I hate houe chores. It is woman’s work.
Dressing up
I hate these too. Women are supposed to dress up, look good, and wear lipstick and make-up. I don’t know why I have to do them anyway. I guess my body is a little bit confused about my biological sex, I have started growing facial hairs just recently. Duh.
Socializing
I hate these lot. It kills me, trying to pretend to be nice to tiresome irritating and boring people because you have to bootlick them all to get what you want. I hate stroking sleeping panthers and trying to pretend they are harmless cats who won’t gobble you up like a helpless vermin.
Falling in love
I hate this too. Thinking you have fallen in love with an entity only to find out that you don’t know him at all. Huh.
Shopping
I hate it. My mother and sisters love to wander about stores and shops and all that but I find it pointless. I don’t find it necessary to unearth all shop materials inside a store just so you can get something which is actually in front of you. But, picking up books I need takes me hours. I once stayed inside National Bookstore for three hours and I did not even realize it.
Teleseryes
Filipino style. I detest them. They are so full of crap and nonsense and caters too much to the spoiled local palette. Instead of showing sensible flicks, why do we have to have lengthy teleseryes that takes decades to complete?
X-Men, Spider Man and other men heroes things
Crap. Why not X-Women, Spider Woman, Super Woman…
Tall, thin guys with insensitive hearts
Meet them a lot and hate them too. I like chubby men, men I can hug, you know.
People who like taking advantage of others
That is self explanatory
The system
I have unconsciously shared thoughts about the system with Adel. What do I mean by this? All things have a certain system. Education has a system. Organizations have systems. The government has a system. Tanan maay system. Anything that shackles aa person and leaves him or her tied to something she opr he does not really want to in the first place. That is the system. Anything that does not give you the chance to be creative, be yourself, grow at your own pace, move according to the dictates of your heart. That is the system. Anything that requires you to be clinical and to follow certain impersonal and indifferent procedures? That is the system.
This is my hatelist
Nick Jonas
I dislike Nick. I do not know why, I just don’t like him. He keeps getting all the vocals when he is not actually that good. I don’t like listening to him wail his songs out. They were beautiful songs but listening to him is killing me.
Miley Cyrus
I hate her too. My sister’s talk about her a lot and that makes me hate her.
Mathematics
If I become the DepEd Secretary, I would erase mathematics from the school curriculum
Him
He is someone I really do not know but has come to hate because of his pretentious wise-ass attitude and his crappy rudeness online. Go to hell!
Misconceptions
I hate them. I abhor them. Believing that something is not what it is and finding out later how silly you have become over it is a disgusting and harrowing experience.
Doing house chores
I hate doing them. When I was young, my mother tried to impress upon me the beauty of hard work. They all tried to make me believe that a woman’s place is in the home. Huh. That is why I hate houe chores. It is woman’s work.
Dressing up
I hate these too. Women are supposed to dress up, look good, and wear lipstick and make-up. I don’t know why I have to do them anyway. I guess my body is a little bit confused about my biological sex, I have started growing facial hairs just recently. Duh.
Socializing
I hate these lot. It kills me, trying to pretend to be nice to tiresome irritating and boring people because you have to bootlick them all to get what you want. I hate stroking sleeping panthers and trying to pretend they are harmless cats who won’t gobble you up like a helpless vermin.
Falling in love
I hate this too. Thinking you have fallen in love with an entity only to find out that you don’t know him at all. Huh.
Shopping
I hate it. My mother and sisters love to wander about stores and shops and all that but I find it pointless. I don’t find it necessary to unearth all shop materials inside a store just so you can get something which is actually in front of you. But, picking up books I need takes me hours. I once stayed inside National Bookstore for three hours and I did not even realize it.
Teleseryes
Filipino style. I detest them. They are so full of crap and nonsense and caters too much to the spoiled local palette. Instead of showing sensible flicks, why do we have to have lengthy teleseryes that takes decades to complete?
X-Men, Spider Man and other men heroes things
Crap. Why not X-Women, Spider Woman, Super Woman…
Tall, thin guys with insensitive hearts
Meet them a lot and hate them too. I like chubby men, men I can hug, you know.
People who like taking advantage of others
That is self explanatory
The system
I have unconsciously shared thoughts about the system with Adel. What do I mean by this? All things have a certain system. Education has a system. Organizations have systems. The government has a system. Tanan maay system. Anything that shackles aa person and leaves him or her tied to something she opr he does not really want to in the first place. That is the system. Anything that does not give you the chance to be creative, be yourself, grow at your own pace, move according to the dictates of your heart. That is the system. Anything that requires you to be clinical and to follow certain impersonal and indifferent procedures? That is the system.
Why am I doing what I am doing
I don’t know. Yeah sure, standard answer.
That is the only coherent thing I can give right now. Well, yes, my mind is figuratively swirling with macabre and frighteningly ghastly thoughts.
But I do know I had to sort this one out.
I am going to embark on a new venture and I know I have to find answers to questions that must be answered before I can say that I can truly move on now.
While riding the bus to Iloilo, I started asking myself certain questions. One question stumped me. I used to know the answer to that question. Way back in college, I can honestly give an answer which no one can understand except me. But that was okay since only my opinion counts in this particular matter.
Who am I?
My answer? I am Me.
Simple.
But that was before. Before I became a confused secondary school teacher in a public school.
Back then, I honestly knew who I was. I know the things I want, the things I stood for. I know what I like and what I hate. I also know what I want to do with myself and my life later on.
I know I did not care what others think about me. I know I did not need to explain myself to anybody. I was aware that I was accountable to God for all my actions. I know I like reading and being a lone and I know I wanted to become one of the LET topnotchers of my time.
Now, however, my career, my dreams, my ambitions and the expectations of others about me are constantly clashing against each other making me very confused about a lot of things.
Who am I?
My answer now: I don’t know. I no longer know what I want, what I don’t want. Most of all., I no longer know any of ideals or principles that I should stand up for.
College life was very simple. I have simple ideals.
Never cheat.
Always listen.
Treat every situation as an opportunity for learning.
Never talk uselessly.
Never explain yourself.
Simple matters that I took to heart even until graduation.
Now, however, things are a whole lot more complicated that I first expected them to be.
When Adel and I talked the last time we met (which was a week ago), she told me that she left her job because she wanted to keep her principles.
She wanted to hold on to it and to keep it safe from worldly corruption.
I thought, that is nice. I would want that too.
But the thought made me pause.
Why?
I no longer know what are the principles and ideals that I hold dear to my heart. Maybe, I no longer have them.
That is the only coherent thing I can give right now. Well, yes, my mind is figuratively swirling with macabre and frighteningly ghastly thoughts.
But I do know I had to sort this one out.
I am going to embark on a new venture and I know I have to find answers to questions that must be answered before I can say that I can truly move on now.
While riding the bus to Iloilo, I started asking myself certain questions. One question stumped me. I used to know the answer to that question. Way back in college, I can honestly give an answer which no one can understand except me. But that was okay since only my opinion counts in this particular matter.
Who am I?
My answer? I am Me.
Simple.
But that was before. Before I became a confused secondary school teacher in a public school.
Back then, I honestly knew who I was. I know the things I want, the things I stood for. I know what I like and what I hate. I also know what I want to do with myself and my life later on.
I know I did not care what others think about me. I know I did not need to explain myself to anybody. I was aware that I was accountable to God for all my actions. I know I like reading and being a lone and I know I wanted to become one of the LET topnotchers of my time.
Now, however, my career, my dreams, my ambitions and the expectations of others about me are constantly clashing against each other making me very confused about a lot of things.
Who am I?
My answer now: I don’t know. I no longer know what I want, what I don’t want. Most of all., I no longer know any of ideals or principles that I should stand up for.
College life was very simple. I have simple ideals.
Never cheat.
Always listen.
Treat every situation as an opportunity for learning.
Never talk uselessly.
Never explain yourself.
Simple matters that I took to heart even until graduation.
Now, however, things are a whole lot more complicated that I first expected them to be.
When Adel and I talked the last time we met (which was a week ago), she told me that she left her job because she wanted to keep her principles.
She wanted to hold on to it and to keep it safe from worldly corruption.
I thought, that is nice. I would want that too.
But the thought made me pause.
Why?
I no longer know what are the principles and ideals that I hold dear to my heart. Maybe, I no longer have them.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Regrets
I know I make seriou msitakes and I hate myself when I make them. You know what, I am writing this now in the highest peak of an angry feeling that keeps welling up inside me after a very short session with an ugly person.
Yeah, right.
Can you delete moments from your life? If I could, I would. And I would also delete those persons who made me feel a little angry.
Yes, I hate you. Thank God, you are not a reader of this blog and thank God that you will never now I have been writing about you in a silly way.
Yes, If I could, I would erase from my mind entirely.
If I could, I would happily eradicate you from the list of persons who have become special for me over the years.
Go to hell, idiot. And rot there.
Yeah, right.
Can you delete moments from your life? If I could, I would. And I would also delete those persons who made me feel a little angry.
Yes, I hate you. Thank God, you are not a reader of this blog and thank God that you will never now I have been writing about you in a silly way.
Yes, If I could, I would erase from my mind entirely.
If I could, I would happily eradicate you from the list of persons who have become special for me over the years.
Go to hell, idiot. And rot there.
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