I would like to believe that I am a very uncomplicated person. Just give me my laptop, an internet connection, kuryente (xempre), a book, and food and I'm set. I can sail to the ends of the world and back, just by myself (just make sure my laptop has its 9.9GB (newly downloaded) ebooks on it plus the movies and the song...and yes, I am totally a happy camper (or sailor or whatever).
I am fairly uncomplicated.I am single. I am a teacher earning the basic teacher's salary every month. I have simple tastes in life. I am not fond of brands and labels and all that. I am your typical provinciana when it comes to stuff like fashion and style and all that.
I am uncomplicated. I don't go out often. I don't have vices (well, except for food, especially "street" food and yeah, books, of course books. I even do the spicier ones).
I am uncomplicated. I am twenty six, a certified NBSB (and yes, I planned it) and I have no plans for the future whatsoever. Aside from the oft-dreamt of cottage on top of a hill overlooking the sea...
I am uncomplicated. Hurt me and I forget it. But be kind to me and you'll forever be remembered.
I am uncomplicated. I am simply uncomplicated.
But thinking about you complicates me and I don't like it especially when I have so many complicated things to do. But I do not want memories of you and those days to fade...because they make me smile. How do you do that? I don't smile a lot, except in irony or just to be polite...but you make me smile, a lot.
You complicate me.
However, I think, I really think,that you are very uncomplicated yourself. You and I just ...complicate things, that's all.
Showing posts with label Sputterings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sputterings. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Friday, February 18, 2011
Glad to Be of Service
Life is short. And as a mortal, I want to do a lot of things. This is not necessarily bad, but neither am I saying that it is good.
However, the plethora of things that I want to do is as varied as my unsorted emotions, hopes and aspiration. Every time I make an effort to think, I end up with a lot of drastic ideas skirting through and fro my confused brain.
For instance, when I wake up each morning, the only sure thing that I would is to make my cup of coffee for the day. After that, I would sit in front of my table, power up my laptop, play some songs for awhile while sipping my coffee and I would end up working on a project that first catches my attention.
I may or may not finish it but usually, I would just wallow around, think on and off, wander around ideas and projects, discard and open documents, obsessed myself with novels I have not read and before I knew it, it's already five in the morning and oh gosh, I have not prepared for my sessions for the day.
Then, I would turn off my laptop, start jotting down possible topics to discuss, search for materials, handouts and other references I may need...or I would end up turning on the laptop again, getting distracted over the ungainly sight of the wallpaper and then, while changing the desktop background, I would realize that I was supposed to print out the budgeted modules I have been working on...
After that, there would be that 15-minute race to get ready for work. Around 7:30, I would be ready or unready and on my way to the designated center for the day carrying a rather big bag of assorted materials, modules and unfinished notes and sometimes, even my laptop.
Like right now, I am supposed to attend an 8:00 AM session with my learners but here I am, at 7:08, working on this little composition for a blog I intend to post later... And at the same time, I am listening to DYVS and getting all distracted since I have not read my Bible in almost four weeks now.
Again, at the same time, I am also thinking that I need to study Karl Marx philosophy, read The Compassionate Teacher that is lying on the desk just beside me, and go through the stack of classic novels I have purchased recently but did not have time to read since I was too busy with nothing to bother with it. And then again, I am also thinking if an 18-page introduction to a source book Nanay and I are working on would be okay - the source book is but a compilation of all the notes she had gathered and used in her TLE 1 class...I am encoding them and adding more info from online sources...It's not a happy task for someone as hyper intellectual as I am (hehe), but it will have its reward, in Midway (yey).
Anyway, it is 7:12 AM and I really must start jotting down notes for todays sessions. Thank God for ready made PBEBI (Providing Basic Education to BJMP-PCDJ Inmates) Session Guides, I have my lecture notes for the session.... Tsk, now I am off to thinking about what new lessons to prepare for our PBEBI sessions and what topics to include. I also need to buy a class record (one was not available at DAFA Goods yesterday) and start encoding data of the learners profile as well as filing all their outputs together.
May utok is one big gual just right now. But it is fun, making oneself worthwhile. With all these, when will I ever have the time to write my IIS novels?
But then again, to quote Mae Sheilou Conserva, I am doing all this because it makes me feel "better". She's right. I did not realize it until she pointed it out to me...
However, the plethora of things that I want to do is as varied as my unsorted emotions, hopes and aspiration. Every time I make an effort to think, I end up with a lot of drastic ideas skirting through and fro my confused brain.
For instance, when I wake up each morning, the only sure thing that I would is to make my cup of coffee for the day. After that, I would sit in front of my table, power up my laptop, play some songs for awhile while sipping my coffee and I would end up working on a project that first catches my attention.
I may or may not finish it but usually, I would just wallow around, think on and off, wander around ideas and projects, discard and open documents, obsessed myself with novels I have not read and before I knew it, it's already five in the morning and oh gosh, I have not prepared for my sessions for the day.
Then, I would turn off my laptop, start jotting down possible topics to discuss, search for materials, handouts and other references I may need...or I would end up turning on the laptop again, getting distracted over the ungainly sight of the wallpaper and then, while changing the desktop background, I would realize that I was supposed to print out the budgeted modules I have been working on...
After that, there would be that 15-minute race to get ready for work. Around 7:30, I would be ready or unready and on my way to the designated center for the day carrying a rather big bag of assorted materials, modules and unfinished notes and sometimes, even my laptop.
Like right now, I am supposed to attend an 8:00 AM session with my learners but here I am, at 7:08, working on this little composition for a blog I intend to post later... And at the same time, I am listening to DYVS and getting all distracted since I have not read my Bible in almost four weeks now.
Again, at the same time, I am also thinking that I need to study Karl Marx philosophy, read The Compassionate Teacher that is lying on the desk just beside me, and go through the stack of classic novels I have purchased recently but did not have time to read since I was too busy with nothing to bother with it. And then again, I am also thinking if an 18-page introduction to a source book Nanay and I are working on would be okay - the source book is but a compilation of all the notes she had gathered and used in her TLE 1 class...I am encoding them and adding more info from online sources...It's not a happy task for someone as hyper intellectual as I am (hehe), but it will have its reward, in Midway (yey).
Anyway, it is 7:12 AM and I really must start jotting down notes for todays sessions. Thank God for ready made PBEBI (Providing Basic Education to BJMP-PCDJ Inmates) Session Guides, I have my lecture notes for the session.... Tsk, now I am off to thinking about what new lessons to prepare for our PBEBI sessions and what topics to include. I also need to buy a class record (one was not available at DAFA Goods yesterday) and start encoding data of the learners profile as well as filing all their outputs together.
May utok is one big gual just right now. But it is fun, making oneself worthwhile. With all these, when will I ever have the time to write my IIS novels?
But then again, to quote Mae Sheilou Conserva, I am doing all this because it makes me feel "better". She's right. I did not realize it until she pointed it out to me...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
DAM MA I
Now Playing: Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park
I am mad. I feel absolutely out of place in this world I have so insistently tried to penetrate for three years now.
I feel like I am an alien body that is trying to co-exist with humans, or perhaps a vampire living on the fringe of human existence.
I want to scream out. I want to… I don’t know.
Nobody can hurt me without my consent. I wonder why I am allowing the monsters of this impenetrable kingdom to actually hurt me.
Maybe because I wanted to come out as a damsel in distress or the wronged party in this mad dash to nothingness.
You are absolutely right. An unexpected meeting has brought this reaction. Meetings with the principal always make me feel like this. As if all the rock songs I have is never enough to expel the demon raging inside me.
Right now, it is licking me dry with flames of ice. I feel cold inside. I feel numbed. I am feeling so much pain that I have frozen within, enough to freeze the tears that would threaten to fall.
It is all my fault anyway. Who told me to stay here and wait on God knows who or what to take pity on me and make my existence legal and valid.
I said a resounding no to another offer I just received. Damme. But, isn’t it just dandy? I do not want to regret the decisions I made.
But, to reiterate what I said a few weeks ago, I regretted the decision that prompted me to stick to my guns and run after an ideal that refused to be achieved.
They say that when the door closes, a window of opportunity opens. The door to this institution I am in right now is eternally locked and the key has been swallowed by a fire-breathing dragon.
A window opened a year ago and I am so glad I caught it just in time. That window actually saved me from being imprisoned inside the castle of destruction and desolation. Instead, it has allowed me a safe haven to see and be part of the castle practices but never be tied to it.
Like a traveling bard, I am here inside the castle, only for a while. A really short while… then, once I see another window pop open, I am jumping out…never to return again.
I’ll never walk through that door. Not even if the dragon opens it for me with an engaging grin on his face.
No. Opportunity seldom knocks twice (it’s the opportunist who does that). The next time my bard duties are through, I am leaving the castle.
I am mad. I feel absolutely out of place in this world I have so insistently tried to penetrate for three years now.
I feel like I am an alien body that is trying to co-exist with humans, or perhaps a vampire living on the fringe of human existence.
I want to scream out. I want to… I don’t know.
Nobody can hurt me without my consent. I wonder why I am allowing the monsters of this impenetrable kingdom to actually hurt me.
Maybe because I wanted to come out as a damsel in distress or the wronged party in this mad dash to nothingness.
You are absolutely right. An unexpected meeting has brought this reaction. Meetings with the principal always make me feel like this. As if all the rock songs I have is never enough to expel the demon raging inside me.
Right now, it is licking me dry with flames of ice. I feel cold inside. I feel numbed. I am feeling so much pain that I have frozen within, enough to freeze the tears that would threaten to fall.
It is all my fault anyway. Who told me to stay here and wait on God knows who or what to take pity on me and make my existence legal and valid.
I said a resounding no to another offer I just received. Damme. But, isn’t it just dandy? I do not want to regret the decisions I made.
But, to reiterate what I said a few weeks ago, I regretted the decision that prompted me to stick to my guns and run after an ideal that refused to be achieved.
They say that when the door closes, a window of opportunity opens. The door to this institution I am in right now is eternally locked and the key has been swallowed by a fire-breathing dragon.
A window opened a year ago and I am so glad I caught it just in time. That window actually saved me from being imprisoned inside the castle of destruction and desolation. Instead, it has allowed me a safe haven to see and be part of the castle practices but never be tied to it.
Like a traveling bard, I am here inside the castle, only for a while. A really short while… then, once I see another window pop open, I am jumping out…never to return again.
I’ll never walk through that door. Not even if the dragon opens it for me with an engaging grin on his face.
No. Opportunity seldom knocks twice (it’s the opportunist who does that). The next time my bard duties are through, I am leaving the castle.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Fascination Facts
I have been fascinated of the Prince William of Wales since I was 11 years old. I don’t blame anyone for that failing. In fact, when I first saw the picture which caught my attention, I did not know that who was featured was actually a living Prince.
I have always been fascinated by nonexistent men when I was young. There was our national hero and then there is the child Jesus (He is God so He does not qualify as “man”).
The Jose Rizal fascination was inspired by a book on Rizal I read before. The fascination with the child Jesus was inspired by a Christmas time movie…and the fascination with Prince William was inspired by a picture of a 14 or 15 year old William smiling toothily and with childlike joy in front of the camera. So, I actually fell fascinated with the boy he was once, not the man he has become.
In fact, I remember feeling a little disappointed with how he turned out to be. I know it is sort of wrong to feel that way since that is pretty stupid but I sort of feel as if he has not actually lived up to the potential that I sensed in the boy.
He lost the happy, childlike look on that charming face he had in the photo, the innocent-looking eyes, the accepting face and the adorable big front teeth.
He used to wear his watch on his right hand too, revealing a sort of childish disregard to custom and a concern for comfort (since I read somewhere that he is left-handed). Since I sort of liked him, I also wore my watch on my right wrist back then.
Now, I recall seeing the watch on his left hand like everybody else.
I also remember liking the teener who seemed shy and schoolboy-like. I like seeing his unsophisticated self, his natural attitude, not really conscious of so many eyes watching him.
Now, I am still fascinated with the man he turned out to be.
I do know that typically, a rich young lad who grew up in the kind of environment he is could turn out to be a spoilt SOB or an emotionally handicapped person, unless he had someone to guide him along his way.
But, when things turned out differently in my own life, I realized that normal is as normal does. Insisting that they want to live a normal life is really silly, you know.
Normal in our standards is different from normal in their standards.
Because the norms that men adhere to often differ according to the planes of existence so it is quite overrated to say “I want to have as normal a life as possible.”
There is nothing really special about Prince William really. I have been watching some youtube clips of the guy as he attends one ceremony or another and the girls simply went wild.
I have never exhibited such a reaction in my life so I cannot understand that sort of hoo-haa over another person. Well, I guess I am not just into iconic idolatry.
Come to think of it, when did I ever madly scream over someone? I know I like Sandra Bullock and I adore Hugh Grant (hehe, I just watched Two Weeks Notice so may hang-up). Reese Witherspoon is cool too. And I think I sort of fancy Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato as well. And now, after watching Twilight (months after the Twilight craze) I guess I am also into Pattinson (or maybe, it’s the Edward Cullen character itself, Pattinson could do with more passionate intensity in a cool and not overrated manner.)
But, I have never gone wild over them.
During fiestas, when people in my hometown would throng over the arrival of a celebrity, I would go to the opposite direction (I hate the crush of people so I always avoid throngs and crowds as often as possible).
But then, I have not yet seen Prince William in person. Maybe if I do see him, I would also start screaming my head off (hehe, wonder what good it will do me, really stupid reaction).
Well, I just am plainly fascinated with Prince William in the same manner that Shakespeare, Byron, Shelley and Dickinson interest me. There is also the sense of wonder and curiosity about who or what he really is.
I mean, it is the kind of feeling you get when you hear a really good song and you simply want to download it from the internet so you will have a copy and you can play it anytime you want to. That is how I feel for him.
I equate the feeling with listening to the song Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. It’s beautiful.
I have always been fascinated by nonexistent men when I was young. There was our national hero and then there is the child Jesus (He is God so He does not qualify as “man”).
The Jose Rizal fascination was inspired by a book on Rizal I read before. The fascination with the child Jesus was inspired by a Christmas time movie…and the fascination with Prince William was inspired by a picture of a 14 or 15 year old William smiling toothily and with childlike joy in front of the camera. So, I actually fell fascinated with the boy he was once, not the man he has become.
In fact, I remember feeling a little disappointed with how he turned out to be. I know it is sort of wrong to feel that way since that is pretty stupid but I sort of feel as if he has not actually lived up to the potential that I sensed in the boy.
He lost the happy, childlike look on that charming face he had in the photo, the innocent-looking eyes, the accepting face and the adorable big front teeth.
He used to wear his watch on his right hand too, revealing a sort of childish disregard to custom and a concern for comfort (since I read somewhere that he is left-handed). Since I sort of liked him, I also wore my watch on my right wrist back then.
Now, I recall seeing the watch on his left hand like everybody else.
I also remember liking the teener who seemed shy and schoolboy-like. I like seeing his unsophisticated self, his natural attitude, not really conscious of so many eyes watching him.
Now, I am still fascinated with the man he turned out to be.
I do know that typically, a rich young lad who grew up in the kind of environment he is could turn out to be a spoilt SOB or an emotionally handicapped person, unless he had someone to guide him along his way.
But, when things turned out differently in my own life, I realized that normal is as normal does. Insisting that they want to live a normal life is really silly, you know.
Normal in our standards is different from normal in their standards.
Because the norms that men adhere to often differ according to the planes of existence so it is quite overrated to say “I want to have as normal a life as possible.”
There is nothing really special about Prince William really. I have been watching some youtube clips of the guy as he attends one ceremony or another and the girls simply went wild.
I have never exhibited such a reaction in my life so I cannot understand that sort of hoo-haa over another person. Well, I guess I am not just into iconic idolatry.
Come to think of it, when did I ever madly scream over someone? I know I like Sandra Bullock and I adore Hugh Grant (hehe, I just watched Two Weeks Notice so may hang-up). Reese Witherspoon is cool too. And I think I sort of fancy Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato as well. And now, after watching Twilight (months after the Twilight craze) I guess I am also into Pattinson (or maybe, it’s the Edward Cullen character itself, Pattinson could do with more passionate intensity in a cool and not overrated manner.)
But, I have never gone wild over them.
During fiestas, when people in my hometown would throng over the arrival of a celebrity, I would go to the opposite direction (I hate the crush of people so I always avoid throngs and crowds as often as possible).
But then, I have not yet seen Prince William in person. Maybe if I do see him, I would also start screaming my head off (hehe, wonder what good it will do me, really stupid reaction).
Well, I just am plainly fascinated with Prince William in the same manner that Shakespeare, Byron, Shelley and Dickinson interest me. There is also the sense of wonder and curiosity about who or what he really is.
I mean, it is the kind of feeling you get when you hear a really good song and you simply want to download it from the internet so you will have a copy and you can play it anytime you want to. That is how I feel for him.
I equate the feeling with listening to the song Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. It’s beautiful.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
The Raving Lunatic
Brain: What do you want? Adulation?
Me: Not exactly…
Brain: huh?
Me: (eyebrows raised)
Brain: Go. Grovel, beg. Make them worship you.
Me: (frown)
Brain: Of course I know. I know you well. (sniggers and looks mocking)
Me: (turns away)
What do you do when confronted with the truth?
Ako? Well, I usually give the truth-teller a confused stare and leave as fast as I could. But, when it is yourself who reveals the truth, what do you do?
Ako? (again) I go to the Adoration chapel and ask God to help me.
Well, yeah. God does not answer me back, but it does make me feel a little bit better knowing I can whine and cry and blame God for awhile.
Anyway, I do feel bad just about now. Why?
Every earthly thing I did keeps haunting me. And in the end, I realized, I got nothing out of all the things I did. And that makes me feel really bad.
I gave up the things I have always wanted to do because I did the things which I have to do for others.
And what did the others have to say afterwards? Thank you? Good job plus a pat on the back or head (as if I were an attention-hungry dog).And then, another can you do this for me….
Makes me feel tired….
Bitter…
A little bit angry…
…And disillusioned…
And now, where are the others? Gone with the wind I guess. They have already forgotten me.
I guess, I am going to get absolutely selfish next year. It is going to be me, me and more me… and maybe God.
God never leaves you alone. He is there, always. Sometimes, the fact that you are aware of his presence, that he is watching, makes doing odd things a little bit eerie, weird. It makes you feel conscious.
I guess, I was right to say that in every event in our life, all we really have are memories. And sometimes, memories can be taken away.
How sad.
I know when I reread this blog in the future; I would smile and think, I was like this before. When I was too young, not mature enough and bloody self-centered and selfish.
I am not mad with the world. No. I am just a little bit disillusioned and unhappy.
Me: Not exactly…
Brain: huh?
Me: (eyebrows raised)
Brain: Go. Grovel, beg. Make them worship you.
Me: (frown)
Brain: Of course I know. I know you well. (sniggers and looks mocking)
Me: (turns away)
What do you do when confronted with the truth?
Ako? Well, I usually give the truth-teller a confused stare and leave as fast as I could. But, when it is yourself who reveals the truth, what do you do?
Ako? (again) I go to the Adoration chapel and ask God to help me.
Well, yeah. God does not answer me back, but it does make me feel a little bit better knowing I can whine and cry and blame God for awhile.
Anyway, I do feel bad just about now. Why?
Every earthly thing I did keeps haunting me. And in the end, I realized, I got nothing out of all the things I did. And that makes me feel really bad.
I gave up the things I have always wanted to do because I did the things which I have to do for others.
And what did the others have to say afterwards? Thank you? Good job plus a pat on the back or head (as if I were an attention-hungry dog).And then, another can you do this for me….
Makes me feel tired….
Bitter…
A little bit angry…
…And disillusioned…
And now, where are the others? Gone with the wind I guess. They have already forgotten me.
I guess, I am going to get absolutely selfish next year. It is going to be me, me and more me… and maybe God.
God never leaves you alone. He is there, always. Sometimes, the fact that you are aware of his presence, that he is watching, makes doing odd things a little bit eerie, weird. It makes you feel conscious.
I guess, I was right to say that in every event in our life, all we really have are memories. And sometimes, memories can be taken away.
How sad.
I know when I reread this blog in the future; I would smile and think, I was like this before. When I was too young, not mature enough and bloody self-centered and selfish.
I am not mad with the world. No. I am just a little bit disillusioned and unhappy.
Lost in Space
Wala lang. Feel lang ya title.
I am going to take my M. A. Ed entrance test this coming Saturday.
Am I excited? You bet.
I guess, I just like the independent dependence of student life. That is what I missed most about being a student for almost 16 years of my life.
You follow a student friendly system. You get to live with your ideals and you always have the excuse of youth for every screw ups you commit.
Life was definitely the best when you were a student. You simply have the best of all worlds. I guess, I managed to explore most of the academic side of all things. I was not the “maller” type and I only started malling when I found out that malls have books in them.
I was also not the “movies-type” since I found going to movies alone or even with friends very expensive. I also can’t see very well in the dark and the fact that I am inside a dark chamber makes me feel a little bit ill.
I was also not the “nights-out, party-girl type” (I was more the party-pooper type). I haven’t entered a disco pub or bar (ever) and I always feel out of place during school affairs that requires hotel entrances. I even did not attend our Senior’s Night in college.
I was the library-girl type, the straight-from-school-to-home type. I spent most of my spare time in the library, the publication office and the canteen.
I also did not get along very well with other people. In fact, many would attest to my absolute lack of social polish (I do not even have nail polish).
This time however, I am going to do everything that a student is supposed to do.
And no, I do not really mean going to malls, movies and parties. What I mean is I am going to open my mind and heart this time.
I am not just going to use my brain in this endeavor but my passion to learn and do everything.
I want to rediscover my old ideals and beliefs.
I am going to take my M. A. Ed entrance test this coming Saturday.
Am I excited? You bet.
I guess, I just like the independent dependence of student life. That is what I missed most about being a student for almost 16 years of my life.
You follow a student friendly system. You get to live with your ideals and you always have the excuse of youth for every screw ups you commit.
Life was definitely the best when you were a student. You simply have the best of all worlds. I guess, I managed to explore most of the academic side of all things. I was not the “maller” type and I only started malling when I found out that malls have books in them.
I was also not the “movies-type” since I found going to movies alone or even with friends very expensive. I also can’t see very well in the dark and the fact that I am inside a dark chamber makes me feel a little bit ill.
I was also not the “nights-out, party-girl type” (I was more the party-pooper type). I haven’t entered a disco pub or bar (ever) and I always feel out of place during school affairs that requires hotel entrances. I even did not attend our Senior’s Night in college.
I was the library-girl type, the straight-from-school-to-home type. I spent most of my spare time in the library, the publication office and the canteen.
I also did not get along very well with other people. In fact, many would attest to my absolute lack of social polish (I do not even have nail polish).
This time however, I am going to do everything that a student is supposed to do.
And no, I do not really mean going to malls, movies and parties. What I mean is I am going to open my mind and heart this time.
I am not just going to use my brain in this endeavor but my passion to learn and do everything.
I want to rediscover my old ideals and beliefs.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
A Poison Post
A poison letter almost destroyed a superintendent. This post is an example of a poison post. Oh, I know it would not destroy the things I hate but at least, it would expel them from my mind.
This is my hatelist
Nick Jonas
I dislike Nick. I do not know why, I just don’t like him. He keeps getting all the vocals when he is not actually that good. I don’t like listening to him wail his songs out. They were beautiful songs but listening to him is killing me.
Miley Cyrus
I hate her too. My sister’s talk about her a lot and that makes me hate her.
Mathematics
If I become the DepEd Secretary, I would erase mathematics from the school curriculum
Him
He is someone I really do not know but has come to hate because of his pretentious wise-ass attitude and his crappy rudeness online. Go to hell!
Misconceptions
I hate them. I abhor them. Believing that something is not what it is and finding out later how silly you have become over it is a disgusting and harrowing experience.
Doing house chores
I hate doing them. When I was young, my mother tried to impress upon me the beauty of hard work. They all tried to make me believe that a woman’s place is in the home. Huh. That is why I hate houe chores. It is woman’s work.
Dressing up
I hate these too. Women are supposed to dress up, look good, and wear lipstick and make-up. I don’t know why I have to do them anyway. I guess my body is a little bit confused about my biological sex, I have started growing facial hairs just recently. Duh.
Socializing
I hate these lot. It kills me, trying to pretend to be nice to tiresome irritating and boring people because you have to bootlick them all to get what you want. I hate stroking sleeping panthers and trying to pretend they are harmless cats who won’t gobble you up like a helpless vermin.
Falling in love
I hate this too. Thinking you have fallen in love with an entity only to find out that you don’t know him at all. Huh.
Shopping
I hate it. My mother and sisters love to wander about stores and shops and all that but I find it pointless. I don’t find it necessary to unearth all shop materials inside a store just so you can get something which is actually in front of you. But, picking up books I need takes me hours. I once stayed inside National Bookstore for three hours and I did not even realize it.
Teleseryes
Filipino style. I detest them. They are so full of crap and nonsense and caters too much to the spoiled local palette. Instead of showing sensible flicks, why do we have to have lengthy teleseryes that takes decades to complete?
X-Men, Spider Man and other men heroes things
Crap. Why not X-Women, Spider Woman, Super Woman…
Tall, thin guys with insensitive hearts
Meet them a lot and hate them too. I like chubby men, men I can hug, you know.
People who like taking advantage of others
That is self explanatory
The system
I have unconsciously shared thoughts about the system with Adel. What do I mean by this? All things have a certain system. Education has a system. Organizations have systems. The government has a system. Tanan maay system. Anything that shackles aa person and leaves him or her tied to something she opr he does not really want to in the first place. That is the system. Anything that does not give you the chance to be creative, be yourself, grow at your own pace, move according to the dictates of your heart. That is the system. Anything that requires you to be clinical and to follow certain impersonal and indifferent procedures? That is the system.
This is my hatelist
Nick Jonas
I dislike Nick. I do not know why, I just don’t like him. He keeps getting all the vocals when he is not actually that good. I don’t like listening to him wail his songs out. They were beautiful songs but listening to him is killing me.
Miley Cyrus
I hate her too. My sister’s talk about her a lot and that makes me hate her.
Mathematics
If I become the DepEd Secretary, I would erase mathematics from the school curriculum
Him
He is someone I really do not know but has come to hate because of his pretentious wise-ass attitude and his crappy rudeness online. Go to hell!
Misconceptions
I hate them. I abhor them. Believing that something is not what it is and finding out later how silly you have become over it is a disgusting and harrowing experience.
Doing house chores
I hate doing them. When I was young, my mother tried to impress upon me the beauty of hard work. They all tried to make me believe that a woman’s place is in the home. Huh. That is why I hate houe chores. It is woman’s work.
Dressing up
I hate these too. Women are supposed to dress up, look good, and wear lipstick and make-up. I don’t know why I have to do them anyway. I guess my body is a little bit confused about my biological sex, I have started growing facial hairs just recently. Duh.
Socializing
I hate these lot. It kills me, trying to pretend to be nice to tiresome irritating and boring people because you have to bootlick them all to get what you want. I hate stroking sleeping panthers and trying to pretend they are harmless cats who won’t gobble you up like a helpless vermin.
Falling in love
I hate this too. Thinking you have fallen in love with an entity only to find out that you don’t know him at all. Huh.
Shopping
I hate it. My mother and sisters love to wander about stores and shops and all that but I find it pointless. I don’t find it necessary to unearth all shop materials inside a store just so you can get something which is actually in front of you. But, picking up books I need takes me hours. I once stayed inside National Bookstore for three hours and I did not even realize it.
Teleseryes
Filipino style. I detest them. They are so full of crap and nonsense and caters too much to the spoiled local palette. Instead of showing sensible flicks, why do we have to have lengthy teleseryes that takes decades to complete?
X-Men, Spider Man and other men heroes things
Crap. Why not X-Women, Spider Woman, Super Woman…
Tall, thin guys with insensitive hearts
Meet them a lot and hate them too. I like chubby men, men I can hug, you know.
People who like taking advantage of others
That is self explanatory
The system
I have unconsciously shared thoughts about the system with Adel. What do I mean by this? All things have a certain system. Education has a system. Organizations have systems. The government has a system. Tanan maay system. Anything that shackles aa person and leaves him or her tied to something she opr he does not really want to in the first place. That is the system. Anything that does not give you the chance to be creative, be yourself, grow at your own pace, move according to the dictates of your heart. That is the system. Anything that requires you to be clinical and to follow certain impersonal and indifferent procedures? That is the system.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Just Swimming Around
| You know, there is this one blog I really liked her because it is so funny and so up-beat. The music is especially interesting guid since it relaxes. While copy-pasting dumb notes from wikipedia (sure, I use it bisan gina-advice ko sa debaters not to use it) for my so called worldly education, I swim around the music. Jay and Kate, try to visit it bala. I am sure you would feel great afterwards. I wish akon tong blog nga to. Kahirisa ano? Wala lang. Na miss ko lang mga tao here. Delai, text ka man bi. Na miss tana ka. I am going nuts here you know. Oh, Heaven, just shut up. |
In Gratitude
| In gratitude I wanted to make use of some Latin phrase as the title for this piece just to serve as another warning to myself just in case this turns out to be a very lengthy prose of gratitude to those people whom I owe so much: However, I do not know Latin, eh. Thank you to the following persons: To Lolo, for stealthily changing my name from Marie Antoinette to Heaven, salamat guid, wherever you are. Thank you for giving me my first book on literature, for making me memorize a piece from the Merchant of Venice, and for telling me all those stories about the supernatural and the local legends. Thank you for always being there for me Lolo. (Salamat man for passing those great intellectual genes, hehe). To Lola, for bringing me to all those masses when I was too young to put up a fight. You saved me from the dangers of atheism. Thank you for the baons, the dresses, (even the boxes of panties, shhh). Thank you for showing me the ways of a proper lady. To Nanay, for the very strict and regimental upbringing (I may not like your style but it had its moments). Thank you for giving me this profession, for teaching what family really means and for keeping my money for me (yes, Nay. Ubuson ko lang guid man daa sa libro if I had my way). Thank you for giving up the things you wanted most just to bring us up. Naintindihan ta ka (bisan indi, hehe). To Tatay, for washing my clothes, for sharing those jokes, for simply being there. Even if you are not with us anymore Tay, I will always be grateful for all the things you gave me and the love you unselfishly gave us. Thank you for giving up 20 years of your life for me. Love you Tay. (And no, readers, that is the correct arrangement because tatay was our ilaw ng tahanan and Nanay was our haligi, and yes, I was confused when I was too young to understand how things worked). To my brothers and sisters, no comment lang anay ha. Separate page kamo since you do know how to make my life happy and frustrating at the same time. Basta guys, most of the things that I do, I do for you (So kamu dapat mapasalamat kanakon) To Ma’am Teresa Martinez Devecais, for believing in me. It made a big difference in my life, just knowing that someone believed in me and in what I could do. If not for that Ma’am, I would not be where I am today and I would not be who I am now.Kudos for being such a great teacher. To Ms. Emilia Solidarios, for trusting me in elementary. For discovering that thing that I did not know I have. And for helping me nurture it. To Ma’am Fina Felisa Alcudia, for inspiring me to reach my full potential as a teacher, for the maternal concern and for showing me what a great teacher is like. To Ma’am Victoria Villa Albacete, for guiding me throughout my last year in college, for believing in me, for not letting me down whenever I needed her. Thank you Ma’am for the support, the guidance, the commitment. Thank you pa guid sa mga advice kag encouragement… sa tanan-tanan guid. To Mary Rose Adelle Pacificar, for being there, for listening, for sharing… For all those special experiences you gave me… for teaching me to spread my wings and for keeping my trust all these years. You never did let me down, Del. To Ma’am Cecilia Gatungay, for letting me use the library to my hearts content, for allowing me to borrow books for months, for the advice and the listening ear…and the support. Thank you for understanding. To Geramie Barbosa, for being such a great bestfriend (baw, best na great pa). The world hated me back then, but you were always there to make it worth it. You spoiled me, you know. You were such a darling and I did not know how I loved being spoiled until we parted ways. To the SS IV Batch 2002 of PNHS, for being such great study materials. Joke. Thank you guys, for bearing with me all those years. I may not have allowed you to copy my assignments and my answers during tests and I may have been very selfish with my knowledge but I did it for your own good you know (hehe). Promise, now that I am a teacher, I will teach your younger brothers and sisters and your children (buhay pa man da guro, ano?) really well. (Swear). To SILAK the college publication, for the experiences, the lessons, the sense of belonging, and for introducing new things. Because of you, my college life was made even more colorful and precious. To Ma’am Erlinda Salaya, for the big break…and for making it even more unique and significant. That moment changed my life ma’am. I can still remember the smoke, the time, and how everything seemed to slow down and ceased moving when you said the words you did that fateful day, nine years ago. And most especially, to God for putting all these people in my life. Your timing has always been perfect. They were right after all, God is always good and God always knows what is best. |
Friday, February 13, 2009
Models Aside
I know I have a lot of things to do but I need to get this out of my system. Writing is the best way of exorcism for me (especially kun gina-demonyo ako).
Why? Well, I have been to my favorite internet café (yes, dear. We have no internet connection, mahal bi) just this afternoon (after a dispirited meeting with the Debatign Club).
I went blog crazy for awhile and I posted all the thoughts I have been hoarding for the week that I was not able to check my account (why? No money, no honey. Wala bi suweldo sa city hall, grrrr).
Then, I went bloghopping (and yes, this is the second time I used that term since I just borrowed it from a blogger who used it once). And, imagine what I saw.
Jayrick, (dear Jayrick, defense attorney of all models) vented out his frustrations on my not-so-well-thought-of remark regarding models. Well, Jayman, I guess, that was the real me speaking, the snide and snooty intellectual who frowns upon pretty faces and sexy bodies (kay man nahisa..kag abnormal).
I don’t know, I really do not have a well-defined opinion about models. I was not interested to follow/observe the career of one.
The following can be blamed, I think:
1. I guess, I was too hooked to the usual snide and snooty type of intellectual pursuit so I was not able to develop an interest in them.
2. We did not and still do not have a cable connection. Nanay never approved of it and anyway, we can’t afford it as well. (I have five younger siblings who are all certified couch potatoes…how long can the TV last if we have cable?)
3.I do not read fashion magazines. I only get depressed. (Why? Do you even have to ask?)
I really do not like models. (Ginapamangkot pa da? Duh)
4. Well, yes guys, it could be because we are girls that are is why we do not really care a lot about it.
I mean, everytime I see a model, I ask myself: why is she doing what she is doing? Kay feel niya lang? What kind of personality would want to flaunt her body to everyone (Well, I am not saying this because I am incapable of flaunting my body because I have too much of it, pero, hello? I mean, this is my body, it’s mine. Why should I share it with you? Palangga ta ka haw?I do not even know you (my siblings are watching an odd Filipino movie which has too much moaning and groaning it is starting to make my skin really crawl, now).
Pretensions aside though, I have not really put much thought on ramp models but the fact that I enjoy using them as the major antagonists in my novels (draft pa man lang) sort of explains my not so positive opinion about them.
But then, a big thankee to Jayrick dear here, I guess I learned something guid man: Keep your mouth shut when dealing with things you are not so passionate about because you can never really defend your stand.
Joke.
What the voices (inside my head) say:
Pati Jay a. I respect your opinion about models, you know. And I do know that you are right. It is just so wrong for us to judge people based on stereotypes (dapat, MP5types,hehe). In my ignorance, I guess I spouted ill-informed ideas about models. I have been unfair, I know. Next time, tell me straight okay? (Heaven, the Teacher mode).
I still insist that man is more than just the clothes he wear (or doesn’t wear). (Heaven, the snob mode).
To each his own, bro. Respect mo ko, repect ta man ka, a. Respetuhanay lang ta.(Addict mode, is that still me?)
Huh? What are we discussing again? (The real me.)
Why? Well, I have been to my favorite internet café (yes, dear. We have no internet connection, mahal bi) just this afternoon (after a dispirited meeting with the Debatign Club).
I went blog crazy for awhile and I posted all the thoughts I have been hoarding for the week that I was not able to check my account (why? No money, no honey. Wala bi suweldo sa city hall, grrrr).
Then, I went bloghopping (and yes, this is the second time I used that term since I just borrowed it from a blogger who used it once). And, imagine what I saw.
Jayrick, (dear Jayrick, defense attorney of all models) vented out his frustrations on my not-so-well-thought-of remark regarding models. Well, Jayman, I guess, that was the real me speaking, the snide and snooty intellectual who frowns upon pretty faces and sexy bodies (kay man nahisa..kag abnormal).
I don’t know, I really do not have a well-defined opinion about models. I was not interested to follow/observe the career of one.
The following can be blamed, I think:
1. I guess, I was too hooked to the usual snide and snooty type of intellectual pursuit so I was not able to develop an interest in them.
2. We did not and still do not have a cable connection. Nanay never approved of it and anyway, we can’t afford it as well. (I have five younger siblings who are all certified couch potatoes…how long can the TV last if we have cable?)
3.I do not read fashion magazines. I only get depressed. (Why? Do you even have to ask?)
I really do not like models. (Ginapamangkot pa da? Duh)
4. Well, yes guys, it could be because we are girls that are is why we do not really care a lot about it.
I mean, everytime I see a model, I ask myself: why is she doing what she is doing? Kay feel niya lang? What kind of personality would want to flaunt her body to everyone (Well, I am not saying this because I am incapable of flaunting my body because I have too much of it, pero, hello? I mean, this is my body, it’s mine. Why should I share it with you? Palangga ta ka haw?I do not even know you (my siblings are watching an odd Filipino movie which has too much moaning and groaning it is starting to make my skin really crawl, now).
Pretensions aside though, I have not really put much thought on ramp models but the fact that I enjoy using them as the major antagonists in my novels (draft pa man lang) sort of explains my not so positive opinion about them.
But then, a big thankee to Jayrick dear here, I guess I learned something guid man: Keep your mouth shut when dealing with things you are not so passionate about because you can never really defend your stand.
Joke.
What the voices (inside my head) say:
Pati Jay a. I respect your opinion about models, you know. And I do know that you are right. It is just so wrong for us to judge people based on stereotypes (dapat, MP5types,hehe). In my ignorance, I guess I spouted ill-informed ideas about models. I have been unfair, I know. Next time, tell me straight okay? (Heaven, the Teacher mode).
I still insist that man is more than just the clothes he wear (or doesn’t wear). (Heaven, the snob mode).
To each his own, bro. Respect mo ko, repect ta man ka, a. Respetuhanay lang ta.(Addict mode, is that still me?)
Huh? What are we discussing again? (The real me.)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The Man I Thought I Wanted
Written on a night after I defragmented my hard disk. Hehe. As if anyone wants to know.And my brother is demanding my presence on the table (ubuson na kuno parte ko right now.
I made this list last year and I only had the guts to write about it two months later.
I made this one to protect myself from falling in love with a guy who could hurt me (in short: all guys).
It has become a sort of armor because I do not really believe that such a man exists. In fact, I would be really surprised if someone would tell me that this guy exists.
just look at all the specific qualifications I set:
THE MAN I WANT
ü He should be very intelligent
ü Knows a lot about history
ü Knowledgeable about current events and economy
ü Knows literature
ü Proficient with technological stuff and matters
ü Tall, pleasant looking (not necessarily handsome), big and bear like
ü Tasteful dresser (into thick sweaters and classical look)
ü Communicates efficiently
ü Loves music, theatre and the arts
ü A reader or if not, at least, well informed on a lot of things
ü A doctor, a college professor, a teacher, a lawyer, an engineer, an architect
ü He should be a visionary, a philosopher and he should love learning
ü He should play at least two instruments, preferable, A violin and a piano
ü He should be able to provide well for me and whatever family well have
ü He should be deeply religious
ü He should love me in a metaphysical sense and accept me for what I am and what I am capable of being with him
See what I mean? Does this character exist? If you know anyone like him, kindly call or text this number )(!($@$))@).
I did not add any revisions but back then, I really believed I wanted someone like him.
However, I think I have fallen in love. I mean, I really did this time. But it was to someone totally unexpected. Someone really nice but totally unsuitable for me because of certain differences that can never be breached.
I like the male a lot. And like all the others, this is getting nowhere. (I know that).
Before, I had Jose Rizal as the epitome of the man I wanted. He was so like the Filipino Renaissance man. I fell in love with his brain, his talents, his versatility, his brilliance, his genius. (Leos like me are tempted by things like that… great things… like the proverbial moth which is attracted to the flame).
I was passionate about Rizal when I was young.
Then, I rooted on Prince William. He is rich and powerful. I did not really realize that what I liked about him was his position, the social strata he grew up in, the glamour of his existence (it was only lately that I saw the accomplished youth eclipsed by the expectations of the title he holds).
Then, there was the University Student Council Chairperson in college who speaks even better than the University President and who graduated Magna Cum Laude at the end of his class.
After him, I automatically pounced on the ex-editor in chief of our college publication who ran for the College Student Council chairmanship and who was eventually employed by our Alma Mater.
After him came the great artist who whetted my appetite on strange music. He was accomplished in his craft, and it was fascinating when you watch him recreate life on paper.
When he graduated, I turned to books again and lost myself on the medieval heroes of Julie Garwoods historical romance novels and the alpha males of Jayne Ann Krentz contemporary romances.
This time though, I rooted on someone strange and odd, both beautiful on the outside and inside, perfect and nice and imperfect but … I can’t really say. He is both terrible and good…
The distance between us right now is similar to the distance that Emily had with Viktor. (Watch the Corpse Bride. I can totally empathize with Emily’s character).
Anyway, We do not suit each other and I know I would always be watching on the sidelines for him, clapping my hands in the appropriate moment, congratulating him when appropriate, giving advices when necessary, lending a helping hand when needed.
He is a very dear friend and finding about this feeling has put me in an uncomfortable situation. I feel as if I am taking advantage of the friendship that we share. He does not know anything about what I feel and I would prefer if it stays this way.
We do not spend that much time together for me to be so threatened. Thank God I have my work to keep my mind off this admiration which my sisters find absolutely funny.
When Katrina, a student asked me about love, I told her I do not believe it exists in real life. That is why I am hooked on romance novels (the pulp type).
Because of this friend, however, I found out that whatever list onemakes pales in significance to the real thing.
Now, here is the kind of man that I want:
The man I want is someone I can talk with for hours on end without us getting tired listening to each other talk. That is precious. It is a commodity that I usually share with some of my students especially those who are like me, not with people my age.
Except for my friend. He is rare. Special.Precious.
Yuck. What am I saying?
I made this list last year and I only had the guts to write about it two months later.
I made this one to protect myself from falling in love with a guy who could hurt me (in short: all guys).
It has become a sort of armor because I do not really believe that such a man exists. In fact, I would be really surprised if someone would tell me that this guy exists.
just look at all the specific qualifications I set:
THE MAN I WANT
ü He should be very intelligent
ü Knows a lot about history
ü Knowledgeable about current events and economy
ü Knows literature
ü Proficient with technological stuff and matters
ü Tall, pleasant looking (not necessarily handsome), big and bear like
ü Tasteful dresser (into thick sweaters and classical look)
ü Communicates efficiently
ü Loves music, theatre and the arts
ü A reader or if not, at least, well informed on a lot of things
ü A doctor, a college professor, a teacher, a lawyer, an engineer, an architect
ü He should be a visionary, a philosopher and he should love learning
ü He should play at least two instruments, preferable, A violin and a piano
ü He should be able to provide well for me and whatever family well have
ü He should be deeply religious
ü He should love me in a metaphysical sense and accept me for what I am and what I am capable of being with him
See what I mean? Does this character exist? If you know anyone like him, kindly call or text this number )(!($@$))@).
I did not add any revisions but back then, I really believed I wanted someone like him.
However, I think I have fallen in love. I mean, I really did this time. But it was to someone totally unexpected. Someone really nice but totally unsuitable for me because of certain differences that can never be breached.
I like the male a lot. And like all the others, this is getting nowhere. (I know that).
Before, I had Jose Rizal as the epitome of the man I wanted. He was so like the Filipino Renaissance man. I fell in love with his brain, his talents, his versatility, his brilliance, his genius. (Leos like me are tempted by things like that… great things… like the proverbial moth which is attracted to the flame).
I was passionate about Rizal when I was young.
Then, I rooted on Prince William. He is rich and powerful. I did not really realize that what I liked about him was his position, the social strata he grew up in, the glamour of his existence (it was only lately that I saw the accomplished youth eclipsed by the expectations of the title he holds).
Then, there was the University Student Council Chairperson in college who speaks even better than the University President and who graduated Magna Cum Laude at the end of his class.
After him, I automatically pounced on the ex-editor in chief of our college publication who ran for the College Student Council chairmanship and who was eventually employed by our Alma Mater.
After him came the great artist who whetted my appetite on strange music. He was accomplished in his craft, and it was fascinating when you watch him recreate life on paper.
When he graduated, I turned to books again and lost myself on the medieval heroes of Julie Garwoods historical romance novels and the alpha males of Jayne Ann Krentz contemporary romances.
This time though, I rooted on someone strange and odd, both beautiful on the outside and inside, perfect and nice and imperfect but … I can’t really say. He is both terrible and good…
The distance between us right now is similar to the distance that Emily had with Viktor. (Watch the Corpse Bride. I can totally empathize with Emily’s character).
Anyway, We do not suit each other and I know I would always be watching on the sidelines for him, clapping my hands in the appropriate moment, congratulating him when appropriate, giving advices when necessary, lending a helping hand when needed.
He is a very dear friend and finding about this feeling has put me in an uncomfortable situation. I feel as if I am taking advantage of the friendship that we share. He does not know anything about what I feel and I would prefer if it stays this way.
We do not spend that much time together for me to be so threatened. Thank God I have my work to keep my mind off this admiration which my sisters find absolutely funny.
When Katrina, a student asked me about love, I told her I do not believe it exists in real life. That is why I am hooked on romance novels (the pulp type).
Because of this friend, however, I found out that whatever list onemakes pales in significance to the real thing.
Now, here is the kind of man that I want:
The man I want is someone I can talk with for hours on end without us getting tired listening to each other talk. That is precious. It is a commodity that I usually share with some of my students especially those who are like me, not with people my age.
Except for my friend. He is rare. Special.Precious.
Yuck. What am I saying?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Whose to Blame?
Whose to blame in the collapse or failure of a relationship?
My co-teacher once asked this question of me after she narrated her experience in a seminar of the same ilk.
Indeed, to whom can we blame the failure of a romantic relationship.
A romantic relationship is probably one of the most complicated bond a man can be involved in.
Ponder these: Two people of entirely different backgrounds meet on a familiar frame of existence one day in their life. They found out that they have some things in common and are probably thorn together as often enough as to make them believe that they could indeed, get along well with each other.
They share certain similarities which bind them tight but they also share certain differences which keeps them on their toes.
The fact that they live in different quarters can also create a strong pull or longing to be with the other 24 hours a day.
In the past, the usual response for the need to be together is to sign a piece of paper legalizing that need.
In the day of alternative lifestyles and making choices, a word is enough… and probable a partner who has an available space in his or her nest.
However, not all bond can last the test of time and familiarity. As one adage goes, Familiarity breeds contempt. Too much of something kills. And too much of the other person can kill a blooming passion or can at least exhaust its source.
I claim to be no expert in relationships. I have not tried it myself so who am I to say that it does not last and who am I to determine who is to blame.
However, this just makes for a real fancy piece of writing.
Aside from that, I have a decade plus experience when it comes to reel romance. I am a romance novel junkie (not the mainstream classic ones but the so-called pulp types).
Anyway, I have watched several real romances, adult or otherwise form and flounder right before my very eyes so, I belive I can make an adept guess as to how it really is, without developing unfair biases and hang ups and unhealthy perspectives.
And so, who is to blame?
If I were a passive female bound to an alpha male kind of guy, I would probably put all the blame on the guy. Why? A girl like me would just be willing to go along with whatever he wishes.
If my male knows how to take good care of me, everything is okay. The entire relationship balance rests on his shoulders and I expect him to do all the work.
Whatever my master wishes will be done is my favorite line. If he can continue with what we have, I am good with it. I am happy to do as he pleases, go along with all his wishes…blah..bllah.
If it fails, it is entirely his fault since I am willing to do as heplease.
However, if I were the alpha female type who can think for herself and want things done her way; I would say, the woman controls all the shots.
The man is simply willing to go along with my way of thinking. I just have to adjust myself, get to know him real well and make use of his psychological make up in making decisions for both our sakes.
Men are really simple creatures. You just have to know what buttons to push.
If a relationship fails, it is all my fault since it would mean that I do not know how my man thinks and I do not know enough to anticipate his needs.
(To be really, really honest, this is just what I have accepted as true and I could not really imagine any view.)
However, for the sake of literary partiality, let me give this balanced view.
To a fair minded person, the answer would be both of them.
It takes to tango. The dance of relationship also requires both partners cooperation.
The man should hold the waist and/or the woman’s hands. The woman should also hold on to the mans neck/or hands.
I do not dance so I do not really know how this woks. But, have you not noticed something really funny about the intimate dance:the one shared by lovers? The one that usually happens in a jam packed fiesta dance floor while David Pomeranz Born for You is being played in the background?
The man holds the waist of the woman with both his hands and the woman holds on to the man’s neck with both hands. It makes me think that the woman has the man in a stranglehold and is choking him to death (an odd thought).
Anyway, what I really man is they both move in a steady and smooth yet slow rhythm as they look at each others eyes as of they were the only persons in the dance floor.
No one tells which way to go, what to do, how to move. They just anticipate each other’s action and thus, equally respond.
I saw this in my grandparents marriage of almost 35 years before my Lolo passed away. My grandmother was really the vain, religious catholic type who is very conservative and my lolo is the debonair ladies-man type.
When I was not yet born, Lolo used to drink a lot of booze and Lola tried to solve the problem by buying the booze herself so that Lolo would no longer leave the house to drink.
However, he continued doing so. When he came one day, lola picked up one of the left over bottles stacked at home and started getting drunk herself. Imagine my Sunday- churchgoing - Roman Catholic grandmother guzzling alcohol like water….
That shocked my Lolo a lot. He had not expected his genteel little wife to actually drank like… you get the point. Starting that day, he minimized his alcohol intake.
Aside form being a really overzealous Catholic, my grandmother is also a bit the nag herself. She is the natural, sharp-eyed aristocrat at home.
The only one who knows how to diffuse her anger is my grandfather. In fact, when Lola is one of her really volcanic moods, my grandfather is the only person who would go near her.
Until now, Lola still mourns the death of her one and only lover. In fact, the only memories that can make her smile after so many years of hard living is the memory of my grandfather and everything he did for her.
They had a grand passion in a very simply way of life. Their children were not so very fortunate to inherit that gift.
The only two surviving daughters had disastrous marriages which ended up in illegal separation. Aside form that, two of their five sons are seafarers and are married to two equally fickle-minded, pretty little nurses who do not have any professions other than mother hood.
The younger of the two discovered his wife was being unfaithful. I am aware the older one need only to wait for a few more years since he married a wife who is more than a decade younger than she is.
Marriage nowadays has really become quite predictable. Let me share a few quotes that a friend from IM sent me:
MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master
DIVORCE:
Future Tense
of Marriage
Happy loving. If you can….
My co-teacher once asked this question of me after she narrated her experience in a seminar of the same ilk.
Indeed, to whom can we blame the failure of a romantic relationship.
A romantic relationship is probably one of the most complicated bond a man can be involved in.
Ponder these: Two people of entirely different backgrounds meet on a familiar frame of existence one day in their life. They found out that they have some things in common and are probably thorn together as often enough as to make them believe that they could indeed, get along well with each other.
They share certain similarities which bind them tight but they also share certain differences which keeps them on their toes.
The fact that they live in different quarters can also create a strong pull or longing to be with the other 24 hours a day.
In the past, the usual response for the need to be together is to sign a piece of paper legalizing that need.
In the day of alternative lifestyles and making choices, a word is enough… and probable a partner who has an available space in his or her nest.
However, not all bond can last the test of time and familiarity. As one adage goes, Familiarity breeds contempt. Too much of something kills. And too much of the other person can kill a blooming passion or can at least exhaust its source.
I claim to be no expert in relationships. I have not tried it myself so who am I to say that it does not last and who am I to determine who is to blame.
However, this just makes for a real fancy piece of writing.
Aside from that, I have a decade plus experience when it comes to reel romance. I am a romance novel junkie (not the mainstream classic ones but the so-called pulp types).
Anyway, I have watched several real romances, adult or otherwise form and flounder right before my very eyes so, I belive I can make an adept guess as to how it really is, without developing unfair biases and hang ups and unhealthy perspectives.
And so, who is to blame?
If I were a passive female bound to an alpha male kind of guy, I would probably put all the blame on the guy. Why? A girl like me would just be willing to go along with whatever he wishes.
If my male knows how to take good care of me, everything is okay. The entire relationship balance rests on his shoulders and I expect him to do all the work.
Whatever my master wishes will be done is my favorite line. If he can continue with what we have, I am good with it. I am happy to do as he pleases, go along with all his wishes…blah..bllah.
If it fails, it is entirely his fault since I am willing to do as heplease.
However, if I were the alpha female type who can think for herself and want things done her way; I would say, the woman controls all the shots.
The man is simply willing to go along with my way of thinking. I just have to adjust myself, get to know him real well and make use of his psychological make up in making decisions for both our sakes.
Men are really simple creatures. You just have to know what buttons to push.
If a relationship fails, it is all my fault since it would mean that I do not know how my man thinks and I do not know enough to anticipate his needs.
(To be really, really honest, this is just what I have accepted as true and I could not really imagine any view.)
However, for the sake of literary partiality, let me give this balanced view.
To a fair minded person, the answer would be both of them.
It takes to tango. The dance of relationship also requires both partners cooperation.
The man should hold the waist and/or the woman’s hands. The woman should also hold on to the mans neck/or hands.
I do not dance so I do not really know how this woks. But, have you not noticed something really funny about the intimate dance:the one shared by lovers? The one that usually happens in a jam packed fiesta dance floor while David Pomeranz Born for You is being played in the background?
The man holds the waist of the woman with both his hands and the woman holds on to the man’s neck with both hands. It makes me think that the woman has the man in a stranglehold and is choking him to death (an odd thought).
Anyway, what I really man is they both move in a steady and smooth yet slow rhythm as they look at each others eyes as of they were the only persons in the dance floor.
No one tells which way to go, what to do, how to move. They just anticipate each other’s action and thus, equally respond.
I saw this in my grandparents marriage of almost 35 years before my Lolo passed away. My grandmother was really the vain, religious catholic type who is very conservative and my lolo is the debonair ladies-man type.
When I was not yet born, Lolo used to drink a lot of booze and Lola tried to solve the problem by buying the booze herself so that Lolo would no longer leave the house to drink.
However, he continued doing so. When he came one day, lola picked up one of the left over bottles stacked at home and started getting drunk herself. Imagine my Sunday- churchgoing - Roman Catholic grandmother guzzling alcohol like water….
That shocked my Lolo a lot. He had not expected his genteel little wife to actually drank like… you get the point. Starting that day, he minimized his alcohol intake.
Aside form being a really overzealous Catholic, my grandmother is also a bit the nag herself. She is the natural, sharp-eyed aristocrat at home.
The only one who knows how to diffuse her anger is my grandfather. In fact, when Lola is one of her really volcanic moods, my grandfather is the only person who would go near her.
Until now, Lola still mourns the death of her one and only lover. In fact, the only memories that can make her smile after so many years of hard living is the memory of my grandfather and everything he did for her.
They had a grand passion in a very simply way of life. Their children were not so very fortunate to inherit that gift.
The only two surviving daughters had disastrous marriages which ended up in illegal separation. Aside form that, two of their five sons are seafarers and are married to two equally fickle-minded, pretty little nurses who do not have any professions other than mother hood.
The younger of the two discovered his wife was being unfaithful. I am aware the older one need only to wait for a few more years since he married a wife who is more than a decade younger than she is.
Marriage nowadays has really become quite predictable. Let me share a few quotes that a friend from IM sent me:
MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master
DIVORCE:
Future Tense
of Marriage
Happy loving. If you can….
Friday, June 6, 2008
Beginner's Mode
There is no such thing as a beginner's luck. All my firsts in life have been messy initiation rites to what I have always wanted.
Except for creating this blogsite...That is, until I realized I had to make an entry.
So, what am I supposed to write? Haha. Yeah, piece of cake. I should have known that beginner's luck never works for me.
Anyway, I really have no idea about what to write right now.I mean, I created a blog because a friend's blog inspired (a euphemism for the real thing) me to do so.
So,now what? I guess I would eventually come up with something witty and brilliant one of these days (when I am less stuffy and fullof my self that is).
Right now, all I can think of is how this post will look like. I hope Iliked it.
Happy blogging to myself!!!
(Eww.I did not like the preview.)
Except for creating this blogsite...That is, until I realized I had to make an entry.
So, what am I supposed to write? Haha. Yeah, piece of cake. I should have known that beginner's luck never works for me.
Anyway, I really have no idea about what to write right now.I mean, I created a blog because a friend's blog inspired (a euphemism for the real thing) me to do so.
So,now what? I guess I would eventually come up with something witty and brilliant one of these days (when I am less stuffy and fullof my self that is).
Right now, all I can think of is how this post will look like. I hope Iliked it.
Happy blogging to myself!!!
(Eww.I did not like the preview.)
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