The Freedom Writers' Touch

I have just finished watching the Freedom Writers last night and it has made a radical and definite impact upon me.

What the teacher of Room 203 has done is unparalleled. We, teachers, keep seeing our job as something to do to earn that salary we need to support the life we live. We keep everything clean, organized and within their little compartments.

I admire those teachers who have the guts and the courage to challenge the system. To make it face its own inadequacy in catering to the real needs of people.

Filipino students are not like the students of Room 203. Nope. Our students are still nice and good and neat and decent and well-behaved. Those who have issues never make it into the schoolroom. At the most, they would spend a month or two in school and drop out of the system to return again next year and the next and the next.

And what do we feel once they leave our classrooms? Well, sometimes, it’s good if we discover they are gone. Then, we go sympathetic and sorry or sometimes self righteous and angry – but after talking about it with a colleague or two, we conveniently forget them.

Watching Freedom Writers has reinforced my belief that every learner counts and every learner matters. The system wants mass education for the masses, not really taking into account that each individual is special and unique. In college, our professors kept hammering and yammering on about individual differences. But, once you leave college, the system makes sure you get the chance to take not of individual differences during trainings and seminars – which is not often.

I am glad there is a teacher like  Ms. Gruwell showed that teachers can truly make a difference.

That movie also convinced me that for a teacher to really focus all her energies in teaching, she must not have a family. Gruwell’s husband divorced her because he wanted to live a life he does not feel bad about…that he cannot be a wife to her…Funny. Husbands expect wives to do that. Why can’t they give wives the same courtesy. It simply means sharing in each other’s life.

I have met several successful men who do that. When their wives have to go on trips, activities and all those things, the husbands come and show their support.

But then, it will only happen if you are quite lucky to have a husband who shares the same sentiments and beliefs you have.

What the teacher did was cool. What she did was show us that if we care, we can make a difference. Do we? Care, that is.

Love and Other Drugs (My Life Version): Part 1

It's valentines day tomorrow and my post this time will be on romantic love.I know.I have never been in any romantic entanglements before. I am not ashamed to admit I have never had a boyfriend.

When it comes to talks about love life and such, I usually keep mum. But when asked, I am honest to say I never had one before. Yes, I love God, I love my family, I love books, I love reading, writing and teaching and I also love to sleep and eat but I have never had the romantic kind, since birth.

And then, questions would start pouring in (making me wish that I never said I never had a boyfriend in the first place).Old classmates from high school and college, colleagues, friends and other acquaintances predictably react in a similar manner.The questions would come and I would lightly respond with half-truths and witticisms and other happy, happy responses.

They would ask:
1. Why have you never had a boyfriend - ever?
Usual answer: (with a shrug and a self-deprecating grin) Look at me!
Answer with best friends: (with a shrug and a wistful smile) I am waiting for the right man for me.
Sarcastic Answer: Who needs men?

2. Did anyone every court you?
Honest answer: Nobody bothered.

3. Why? (I often ask myself why they have that follow-up question).
Usual Answer: Look at me (again). I have no illusions about my looks and I understand that men are attracted to attractive packages, that's why God designed women with all those characteristics which is not apparent in this (referring to my body) package.
Another answer: They are probably intimidated because I don't look approachable at all?Yep. Men are highly sensitive creatures and as such would not take too kindly to feeling inferior.
Honest Answer: I really do not know.

4. How does it feel to never have a boyfriend?
Usual answer: I don't mind at all.(a non-answer, I mean, look at the question)
Witty Answer: I really would not know the difference, would I?
Honest Answer: Sometimes, I feel sad because that's one thing in life that I have missed out on - sharing myself with another mortal who appreciates me not because of our blood relation but because of something else..

5. Do you want to have a boyfriend?
Honest answer: I don't know. It depends on the boyfriend.

6. What kind of boy are you attracted to?
Sometimes Answer: I prefer men over boys (I really would not know the difference).
Honest Answer: I think I would like to be with an intelligent and confident man who is sincere, honest, loyal,mature (not old, mentally mature)...and is centered in God.

7. You never really had a boyfriend?
Well, darn. I often wonder why they would not believe me. It is the truth. I have never had a boyfriend, not even thru text, chat, or any other correspondence. I am not a complete innocent (I read things a nice little girl is not supposed to read, you know), but as one co-teacher said when we were trying to beat each other over knowledge on the amorous arts, what I have is purely theoretical/technical knowledge with no application (and I quipped: Who am I going to practice it with?)

8. Do you wish you have one?
Honest answer: I don't know. I would not say I am absolutely happy with being single. But I would not say this is a sad state for me because to be honest, there really are a lot of things to do in life and I have a lot of responsibilities as the eldest in the family. The man I end up with must understand that there are things I have to do and one of them is to see my siblings settled well first. I would feel guilty if I could not do that because I have been selfish. But sometimes, every time I mention the possibility of having a boyfriend (just to sort of threaten my siblings so that they would study hard), they will just laugh at me and make jokes. Anyway, I am not the type who settles for something because it is convenient and at hand. When I fall in love, I know I would fall hard. Besides, I really am the loyal type and would love to marry my first boyfriend and make him the one and the only in my life (I am a romantic).

This one question was asked, for the first time, just last week. And it surprised me for I really had no inkling about it at all.

Ma'am Letlet: Ven, what if someone courts you now?
Me: (Laughed) Joke, ma'am.
Ma'am Letlet: Tuod. Remember before, I asked you about him.I texted if you know this guy. He was once your student.How would you feel if a student courts you?
Me: (Are you serious?)Haha..
Ma'am Letlet:Tuod, ven. He told me he was your student and I told him I know you. Kilala mo si <....>
Me: Yes, mam. He was, indeed, my student before. But you know the rules. No fraternizing between students and teachers.
Ma'am Letlet: Ti, he is not your student now. He said he wanted to court you but he is afraid to offend you. How would you feel if he did?
Me: (Smiles). It's nice to know someone finds me attractive enough to contemplate that but reall...he was once my student and he will always be my student. Sa mata ko, my students are my sons and daughters. I see them that way (because I may never have sons and daughters in this lifetime)...
Ma'am Letlet: What do you think about him? He is cute.
Me: I remember. I know him and I like the kid. He works hard but as far as romantic attachments...I have my standards.
Ma'am Letlet: Sometimes,we have to stoop down, settle, if we want to be happy.
Me: I don't want to settle, Ma'am. When I eventually have a boyfriend or marry, I want it to be with a man I honestly love. I do not do experiments. I know what I want when I see it. That was what I meant by standards. I am not looking for handsome, rich and etc. I want a man I can respect and love and share myself with...
Ma'am Letlet: (she said something about standards and choices which I did not really register)
Me: I have a crush, that's why. And I want my partner to be just like this guy...
(So the sharing began...but that is another story...)

I was flattered because that student found me attractive despite the package. I could say he probably liked the person he saw inside but I would not count on it. I have often had crushes on impressive teachers I met over the years but that emotion went only as far as that.

When it comes to my students, I am strict with the I do not fraternize code. My students are my children. I love them like my own kids because I share a lot of myself with them.

So this Valentines day will probably be spent eating fishballs, on my own.But, I will have it no other way, until the right man, the right time and the right moment comes.

But I will live a full-life so that if it never comes, I could still say, I have had no regrets...

A New phone, A New Expectattion

My mother got me a new phone courtesy of a post paid phone plan. It’s a Nokia5130c-2complete music player (the musicexpress), 2 mega pixels lens camera./video, a 1 gig microSD, and a voice recorder.

It also has an internet connection which I took advantage of like mad (so now I am temporarily cut off from the service until I settle 50% of my bill which happens to be P3,797.00 only).

I am going to pay 2,000 once I get my salary. I have not yet received the billing so I am wondering where I am supposed to pay it.

Anyways, I used the phone to encourage me to change the almost negative attitude I have of my job as a teacher.

You see, the high school curriculum has become quite irrelevant in my way of thinking.

The English curriculum has lots its glitter and glamour…

I know it is not the fault of the curriculum planners. Its just that the needs mostly addressed therein are those of the types who have come to master grammar and are using English competently enough.

Some teachers would be too immersed in the grammar aspect and some would be too focused in literature.

What these helpless incompetent learners of English need is to overcome the emotional filters first. Then, they should be made to use the language in an unconscious way. They should also be exposed to various opportunities to use the language without it being obvious drills and the like.

The knack there is teaching without being obvious about it because today’s generation, especially those in the regular classes, are quite averse to being instructed.

I developed a new plan for my lessons and I have employed it right after the one week semestral break.

In a seminar with the Alternative Learning System, I have learned about the 4A’s approach to adult learning and I decided to modify it a bit and employ it in my class along with the other methods and strategies I have learned in college (which I have failed to actually use).

Now, for a week, not one of my English class has become boring since all the learners have been busy.

It was tiring since I had to devise a fairly detailed lesson plan for the week and I have to make revisions everyday and every time I teach a class (since not all can do the activities).

All in all however, they have been quite effective and I have been looking forward to going back to school despite the teachers movement and all that.

Here are some of the pictures I have taken of my students during the activity.

Martin, the Charmer

If there was one Prince Charming in this batch of graduates, it would be the fair Martin.

Martin is one of the members of the Debating Club. He is a distant relative of our family (the father side) and a very nice and well-brought up young man.

At sixteen (are you sixteen, Mart?), Martin has shown signs of the responsible adult that he could turn out to be.

At first, I despaired of Martin’s performance in the club. Everytime I called out a meeting back then, Martin would always be begging me to let him off the hook since he had something quite important to do.

This would frustrate me and somehow, it sort of painted a negative image of what Martin is.

However, recent activities in the club showed me this other side of Martin.

Martin is not only the charmer I saw him at first. Well, yes, he is a charmer and yes, I was totally bowled over those early weeks of being in his presence.

Martin’s charm was quite lethal (hehe, what am I saying?). To be really honest, I had this little crush on Martin because he was so adorable and so absolutely charming… (hello, vocabulary brain portion, I need another word for charm here).

I found his smile really appealing and his strange and odd ways of speaking and doing things (hehe, shocking!). I used to think that of there is a Prince here, he would look like Martin.

The only problem with him is that he is sort of pa-cute. And when I told him that, he said that was not true. Well, maybe it was unintentional…or maybe I just find him really cute (note, define cute).

Another problem is, when he grows up, I have this feeling that he is the type who just might grow a sizeable pot belly, if he is not conscious of his health (yeah, yeah, I know I am fat and this is just a case of the pot calling the kettle black or the pther way around).

Anyway, Martin is a nice lad and while working with him at the D’club, I realized that Martin is not the type who would say a lot of things just to make you feel a little better.

No. He does not say much but he does a lot. He does not make empty promises. Instead, he performs.

He promised to do something and yes, he does live to deliver it.

I have come to trust this little fellow a lot.

I used to think that Martin is the one with a lesser sense of commitment to the club but I was wrong. He is a very busy kid because he is involved in a lot of organizations in the school but he always tries his best to do his part no matter how difficult they are.

Martin is also a serious guy and yes, I did witness an almost effeminate aspect of himself but that does not make him gay.

Martin is definitely a Prince Charming. He can be trusted, in more ways than one and he has sense. He also has a healthy confidence in himself. Not too much to make him arrogant and boastful and definitely very irritating, not too little to make him boring and tiresome and very defensive. He has a healthy enough dose, enough for him to develop a healthy perspective of the things around him.

There is more to Martin than meets the eyes. What I fancied to be a perfectly normal kid actually has an unplumbed inner core that signifies strength and dependability.

He is a good young man and I do hope and pray that God would guide him along his path and make sure that he grows up to be what he was intended to be.

Go, Martin!

Katrina Mae: A Piece of Puzzle

She reminds me of myself many years ago. I do not really know why but I have always been drawn to Kate (in the same manner that I have been fascinated with April Dhary Jhoy, one of her classmates. I do not know her but if there is a picture of true beauty, for me, it is Dhary). Anyway, Kate is one of the members of the Debating Club. She is also the Club Secretary, a trustworthy and reliable one too. I had not really known Kate as well as I have come to know Jayrick and Rey. I had lesser contact with her compared to the two. I know that Jayrick feels Kate is a great writer (and that is truly something from someone who has won a National Press Con award). Note: Jayrick, be proud of that achievement, no matter what they say. That is truly something dun. I mean, fortune smiled at you for one straight year. And you deserved it. Nahisa lang da sanda,a. I do know though, that like Rey and Jayrick, Katrina has a burning potential deep inside her… most of it untapped. Probably because no one really realized the brilliance covered by the rough and self-effacing edges. Unlike most girls her age, Katrina does not care about appearances. She has an earthy beauty which remains unnoticed because she does not really do something about it. (Perversely, though, I like her more because of that). Katrina is not the type who would bring attention to herself. She is adorably nice, and gentle. A real lady in every sense of the word (I have a different definition of lady, by the way, and I think that definition fits Kate). Kate is also a dedicated and hardworking person. She knows the word commitment and would loyally stick to one she makes. Kate is a voracious reader. In fact, she is a very mature reader since the choices she makes are much better than my usual reading preferences. She has no genre fixations and has an open mind when it comes to reading. She speaks well and has an extensively functional vocabulary. One which she has to harness and effectively process. I heard her sing with Rey once and I think she sings well. Her conversational drift are really interesting. She talks well, has sound opinions about everything and is a good listener. When she speaks, she speaks with sense. And she is not too full of herself. I heard a hint of envy or say insecurity when Jayrick spoke about Kate’s writing prowess once (and Jayrick, I know I maybe wrong about this but I just want to be honest okay). I mean, I am sort of aware of such things because it was the same with me and some of my writing friends too. It gets better once you have come to accept that you and that friend have differing skills. I convinced Jayrick that he is a better writer than Kate. I told him Kate is good but he is better (because I read one of her works before). And I still believe in that. Jayrick has already learned the potential power of the words he uses. Kate is still learning the secrets of the trade. I may not know what developments would come to both of them in the near future but I know Kate has a lot to learn. I am just trying to be honest here and not putting down people. I wish I could teach Kate the things that I have learned in college. I mean, we are both alike because when I was in high school, I also wrote in the same way as Kate did. In fact, Kate writes much better than I did before. It was good (the writing, I mean), based on the usual standards of this school, but once you go out, you realize that your old school’s concept of good is different from that of the rest of the world. Kate, if you want to learn and improve both your writing and yourself, open your senses. Do not be afraid to run after the knowledge and the experience. I do not know what you will eventually choose as a career but I do know that writing and reading is already a part of you. It is in your blood, right? Your career may not allow you to practice your passion (mine makes it difficult). But, don’t hesitate to nurture it. Eventually, your lifepath will allow you to weave your passions thread in your life. And you will soon realize that the things you learn, the experiences you go through are actually a preparation for something in your tomorrow. Yes, everything is interconnected. Someone is out there who plans things for us. Is it God? Morgan le Fae? Merlin? Odin? Zeus? (Hehe, ga research be on fairies, ano pa). Basta, someone’s out there. I like you Katey. And your are beautiful, inside and out.

Rey Anthony: AN Enigma

This is about another student I have come to know this year. I guess I am going to start a compilation of student personalities. I especially find students like the two I have written about in here to be more fascinating than others. I have been eyeing this contestant ever since I first heard him speak in an impromptu competition almost a year ago. I am already familiar with the kid since he was my sisters classmate back in elementary. When I heard him speak back then, I was almost astounded. I told myself, Kanugon. This child has so much potential. And I thought, if I would be given the chance to handle the kid, I might be able to teach him a thing or two. This school year, our head teacher assigned me as co-adviser of our debating club here in school. One of the ten core and senior members of the club was Rey Anthony. Now, I thought when I found him sitting with the rest of the members during the Commitment Test Meeting that June 2008, I would be able to really measure this walking potential and see what all the fuss is about. Last school year, when Rey lost over my charge, Vanessa Jane., the special science class students of our school went a bit mad. They had not counted on Vanessa Jane winning since she is not an SSC student. Besides, fluency wise, Vanessa is not as good as Rey. However, during that contest, Vanessa was the clear winner. Vanessa might not have Rey’s extensive vocabulary and speaking prowess as well as the debonair stage flair that would have clearly pinpointed him as No 1 guy, but Vanessa’s logical and critical thinking skills were fully operational. Whatever the case, I know that persistence would never let her down. Vanessa’s sharp logic pierced the empty hot air bubble that was Rey’s attempt at impromptu speaking. Vanessa’s mental tenacity has proved her a worthy contender…which is not really surprising. When Rey started speaking (I can recall the moment until now because I was so really into Vanessa back then), I grew quite cold. I almost despaired. But, when I heard what he had come up with, I was actually a bit shocked. Such a great speaker…and what happened to him. He could have won, I knew it.He could have defeated Vanessa so easily. He had it in him. I found out why, eventually. Rey is the most laid-back type of guy I had ever met. He always seems to want to have fun, enjoy the world and reach out to whatever appeals to him. I know there is a depth in the guy that he seems to conceal with his brash smile and swaggering maneuvers. I also sense a certain vulnerability in him which makes me wonder why he has to hide such sensitivity and soul. And why he felt that sense of lack of security in himself at times. The fact that he surrounds himself with friends like Katrina and Jayrick proves that he is like them in a way. I mean, what would attract him to Jayrick except for a similarity of spirit? The way they almost seem to sense what is on the others mind. The way they seem to communicate in a silent manner. The way they end each others sentences… Their kind of friendship has often made me wonder. He and Katrina are so alike in many ways, too. I often wonder at how attuned they are with each other mentally, and to think that they came from two opposing end of the sexual spectrum. (I listened to them talk one entire L300 trip from Iloilo to Passi). It sometimes spooks me, hearing them talk about things I only learned when I was already in college. I guess, it must be the environment. They are Special Science Class Students. This school year though, Rey bagged the award for the impromptu speech contest in the School Level Cultural Contest. He had Vanessa as one of the contenders again. Although I know he could have done better than he did (Vanessa could have done better herself…she is usually a very keen thinker, I do not know what happened). I guess Rey was in his element during the contest. He was also more humble than he was in the City Level. During the City Level, Rey simply swaggered up stage (If you get a hold of this kid, peace. I am just telling the truth…with a little bit of exaggeration, hehe). He was a bit too full of himself, which, I guess, clouded my judgment. He gave his answers well, yes, since he speaks well anyway. Unfortunately, he did not live up to his potential. He could have done better, I know. And I wanted to tell him so though I know it was not my place to do so. I was not able to resist giving him a piece of my mind after the contest. I mean, if he wanted to win the Congressional, he should not relax. He should make an effort to exploit his God-given gift and make use of his powers of self-possession. He should over train, over read and over practice. In competitions like the one he had to go through, there is no such thing as over practicing. What happened? I was not there so I could not form a valid opinion as to his performance. I would not say he did not win (technically speaking, he did not) because according to the boy, he was the biggest winner in that contest (he told me he met someone who could be the epitome of his dream girl, well, those were not his words exactly but, pareho lang da ). Rey is one smooth and suave operator. In fact, he has surprised me several times with the cool way he approaches new faces. Compared to my reserved approach towards strangers, seeing someone like him so open and so friendly has made me wonder (I am getting fond of the word wonder here). I could not help but be amused with the subtle and sometimes not so subtle way he introduces himself to others. Such a darling. I refused to think that he would end up like most of the seafarers I know. I mean, I do feel he would be wasted in such a career choice, but the seafaring option he had outlined for himself suits him. Rey is not the type who would want to be tied to stationary immovable things. But neither would he prefer to hold on to air or cloud-like matters that would unceremoniously float to nowhere. He would prefer riding on something that would take him places but would keep him anchored to something massive, stable and secure. I am happy that I was given the chance to observe this kid work his way out into the world. I have learned a lot from you, student. And someday, I might be able to follow your advice. Yes, would it not be great if I could just follow my heart and damn them all?

So, They Found it

I guess I am no longer anonymous in cyberspace. I really do not know what to say now that three of my favorite kids found my tresure trove of guilty secrets. Anyway, being a teacher feels great when you have students like these three. No, I am not saying this because I am caught red-handed at being a human (hey guys, please keep my secrets...errr, public secrets). To Katrina, go girl. Do you even know how special you are? The depth and readiness with which you take on life will lead you well. Keep smiling. And about the guy, he does not have to know, you know. Anyway, it is better to cry now than later (I feel as if I am delivering a lecture). To Jayrick, hi. I read your'e blog. You have been such a great person to talk with you know. I find you deeply unfathomable and yet fun to be with. To Rey, where is your blog? Is it not great to be with us here in cyberspace? I still believe you have a lot of things in store for you. Find them, okay. Guys, I am so happy I met all of you. I am never going to forget the year I had with you. And yes, the reason why I wanted to be with you is honestly a selfish one. You all make me happy. You give meaning to my life. I hope to see all of you succesful one day, ha. I have this secret fear that I might never marry you know. I already mourned about my prospective spinsterhood at fifteen. For me, you, who have become like students (and more) to me, are my one chance at motherhood. And yes, it feels great to have you. Do good, okay. God bless and good luck guys.