I Am A Vampire: On the Fringes of Existence

Now Playing: New Divide

Yes, I have gone through New Moon and Eclipse with frightening speed (and blasphemous skips). Now, I am savoring Breaking Down page by slow page.

I love Breaking Down. I adored some portions of New Moon and Eclipse (not all, no, I am not that patient)…

Anyway, this is not about the Twilight Saga actually or the fact that my brains seemed to have literally shut down after spending night after night poring over Stepheni Meyer’s sick fantasies (and making up my own, which happens to be sicker than Stephenie’s).

This is about me (as usual) and my vampiric career.

I used to keep mum about how I feel being the outcast of the system. It has been a taboo topic in my blog because I feel so conspicuous.

What makes this post an exception? Probably because here I am in the office while all the other teachers are up there in a meeting.

I never revealed this to anyone before. Well, not anyone who could easily rat me out to the higher ups that is. But, I could no longer bear the pain I feel.

I hate faculty meetings. Why?

Because it makes me feel that I am an outcast, that I am not on the rolls, that I am not a part of the organization I have chosen to place my allegiance on.

I was often told that I am, in reality, not a good team player. I tend to think only of myself and I often forget others. However, my school cannot really accuse me of that before.

Now, however, it is a different matter.

It took me a half-day rest to get over the depression that sort of gripped me for a few weeks now. I think the rest is not even enough. Right now, I feel cheerful, fine and accepting. Right now, I feel okay.

That is why I have chosen not to attend the meeting today. Because I do not want to feel bad. I don’t want to destabilize the tricky balance I have right now.

I consolingly told myself not to expect anything from the organization. That sort of erased all the frustrations that ate at me since day one. I told myself that two years from now, I am leaving this school. That I only have to bear the pain of making the wrong choice for two more years na lang guid.

However, attending meetings with all the teachers there is just too painful to contemplate, so I decided to skip this meeting. No meetings for baby vampire until she has learned to control her thirst.

I guess I will never belong to the world of ordinary human beings. I am for too conspicuous, far too different, far too unlike them to mixed with them that easily.

I, an unknown entity in this school, an unlisted teacher, have just realized my truth. I am glad I have made the choice and have accepted that in this place, I am a vampire, unknown, unseen, not really a part of the place I am in.