Oh well

Right now, I do not really care what other people say about me.

I guess I got so over the idea of trying to fit into people’s conception of who and what I should be that I have stopped being myself.

I wanted to be a model daughter so I did everything that my mother asked me to do. In the end, I was not able to stop her from doing something destructive which has made all of us suffer. I listened to her for the last 23 years of my life and for that one single year I asked her for something, she refused to even hear me.

I wanted to become a model teacher and served my alma mater. It was not the money at first. It was the brimming idealism of a teacher who honestly longed to serve. But, the administration made sure I would loose even that. Because of politically and nepotistically minded people, I lost myself.

I wanted to become a model daughter so I did all I could for my siblings only to realize that no one really cared. Oh well, what are younger sisters for. They would not listen. It’s just like I am not even there.

Now, I wanted to be myself. Now, I am doing the things that I wanted to do in the first place. I spent most of my summer at the blank, blank university for my master’s degree in English language teaching. I spend most of my free time in the library reading. I spent the other spare time huddled before a computer downloading songs and other relevant info. I spend other free times watching movies, sleeping, eating o just thinking.

Because now, I have stopped caring.

I don’t really care about my application for a national item at school. I mean whatever. The whole thing sucks. Who knows, I might find something more lucrative.

I don’t really care about what people will say about me. I will just do my job and they all can go to wherever they want to go.