An old college friend once told me that I have a tendency of giving my justification and rationale in the middle of a lecture. Sort of writing the significance of the study in the chapter for the review of related literature, when it comes to research.
Well, I guess, she is right.
And I think the reason for that is because I usually realize the significance of my actions only while I am doing those actions.
The problem with someone like me is I tend to overanalyze things. I would get thoroughly distracted by a matter or a decision I have to make and I would try to churn it up in my brain. When I could find no objections or I have successfully blocked all objections, only then would I start acting.
The reason, the enlightenment, comes while I am working on it or after I worked on it. As a college professor once said to me, there are persons who have foresights, insights or aftersights.
I guess I am in the last category if it so exist. If not, I may be offbeat.
For years, I have been searching for meaning. I wanted to know the whys, hows, whens and wheres of the whos and whats. I unconsciously went in search of knowledge and wisdom and after years of searching, I haven’t come any closer to the answer.
In fact, until now, I do not know what I am looking for. Everything else is still a blur of wh and h questions.
Who am I? Why am I here? What am I doing? Where am I going? Where was I from?
Questions I could not answer until now.
There are a lot of answers depending on the philosophy you subscribe in or the religion you aspire to or the faith you believe in.
But, what if there are no philosophies, no schools of thought, no religion. What becomes of us? What becomes of me?
A heaping mass of unidentified confounded creature.
What a sorry existence.
If you take away everything else, what becomes of us? What becomes of man?
But then, is there really anything else aside from what?
Questions.
I need my coffee, I think. Sugar-saturated.
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