What Heaven Wants

What Heaven wants, Heaven do not usually get.

Fact of life number one to a girl who grew up in a weird set up. Anyway, I am kinda weird myself so what the heck.

I have wanted a lot of things in life but I often do not get it. Not often, but I sometimes get some, you know. But not as often as I want to.

Maybe, I just did not know what I want or I do not know myself enough to really determine what I want.

Well, not all of us can get what we want but we often get what we need and that is what counts the most right?

Anyway, this post is mostly written to help me find out what I really wanted out of life.

Wants List
I want independence.
I want my own living space.
I want to be alone.
I want to be free of financial and material worries.
I want to be free of obligations and responsibilities.
I want to see new places, new things, new experiences but I want it all to be part of a significant journey.
I want to finish a book.
I want to escape the rut I am in right now.
I want to go abroad, somewhere, wet and rainy with a magical unheated sun.
I want unlimited access to the internet.
I want to become a writer.
I want to meet a fairy, a vampire and an alien life form, an angel…whatever there is.
I want to be with a sensible, fascinating person who can share all those wants with me. I do not really want the rest of the world, just him, and me, and books and music and sweet moments…
I want to be happy.

I guess the really sure thing is the last one, I want to be happy. I just do not know how.

And as you have seen, teaching has no part in it. I have become very honest with myself now. Teaching is no longer the passion that it used to be. I like giving lectures, I enjoy searching knowledge and I like sharing them with kids. What turned me off was the system.

It is not the same. And over the years, I have realized that I have lived in a pink bubble that puffed up when I first stepped on the school that burned to the ground all the rosy images of education I have in my mind.

Now, I want to be my own boss. I do not want to sell my time to people who do not value it as much as I do.

But, I cannot give up the contact with the kids. The babies who would eventually grow up and forget about me. Who cares? I have the memories.

I may hate the system but I love the students who pass by my classroom. Every student I talk to always carry a part of myself with him or her, once he or she lives the room.

I would always loves this part of the teaching process. I just wish there is some system out there which is more relevant, more significant, and more hands-on than what we have right now.