In The Mood

Mode: pedantic and contemplative
Music: Out of My League by Stephen Speaks

Solitude is a pretty nice concept. It gives one peace and a sense of imaginative freedom and disattachment to the real world.

I love solitude because I have never totally enjoyed it. I have savored that kind of sublime peace once in a while, in short burst of unexpected solitariness.

Solitude is not just about being alone, you know. You maybe secluded once in a while but you might never feel that content sense of aloneness.

I love solitude and for years, that has been the goal of my existence.

I feel a peaceful sense of solitude whenever I wake up in the middle of the night and I find everyone at home sleeping.

I love that time between 11 pm and 1 am. Genius and imagination seems to favor those hours for me. They clandestinely meet in my head and bring reason to all the disjointed and rumbled thoughts of the day.

During this point in eternity, I find the peace I long to have. It is during this time that I feel I could do just about anything.

I have also experienced that thrilling sense of solitude when I am riding a bus from my hometown to Iloilo City. It is especially most potent when I have the whole seat to myself and I have the chance to enjoy the sunrise or the sunset.

That is another thing that I look forward to now that I am about to take my Masters Degree at my previous college. I have a 7:30 class in the morning so that means I have to board the bus at about 5:00 in the morning. I would get to see the sunrise somewhere in Pototan or Zaraga and that would be totally awesome.

Then, my last period class would be at 1:30. I would spend the rest of the afternoon at the library (for my next burst of solitary ecstasy) until 5:00 Pm. Then, I would ride the bus again and watch the sunset, alone…hopefully.

Why do I like solitude so much?

I feel at peace during such times. I feel as if I can do anything I have set out to do. I feel free and I feel really happy.

I can work for hours on my own. I can take tests for as long as the whole day (as long as it is not about Math). I can listen to a lecture for a whole day. I can do research for as long as possible. But, I can never last more than an hour of mediocre chitchat with an acquaintance.

In fact, talking about nonsensical matter exhausts me more than manual labor.

I have experienced that a lot of times. After a lengthy conversation with an acquaintance, I usually find myself out of breath. That is why I try to avoid acquaintances as much as I could, especially if we have not met for years and we have nothing quite significant to say to each other (and Adel, you are definitely not just an acquaintance, so smile. I love talking to you and you know that).

Another precious solitary existence is the time I spend in the library. No one can really understand my preoccupation with books. I guess to girls out there, it’s just about the same as your preoccupation with the next moda or those scents and make ups and shoes and sandals and dresses that girls my age usually buy. To guys, I can compare it with their preoccupation with the latest gadgetry, cars and other boytoys.

And then, the height of solitary nirvana, are those hours spent inside our Parish’s adoration chapel. It was only during these times that I let go of my inhibitions and sing those songs I learned from the choir. (Oh, I do that when no one is around).

Yes, solitude is fine. I do miss it.