Where my HEART is (NT)

I am currently working on a Debating Club handout on Fallacies that I might give to the members.

However, something has been mentally bugging me lately interfering with my already very limited concentration on the job at hand.

You see, this is about the school Debating Club.

D’Club, as I fondly call this org, is a duly recognized but un funded school club. When I entered this school just last school year, the Club was already swinging high with two English teachers as its advisers.

This year, our head teacher assigned me as Co-adviser of the club along with one of the former two advisers.

The club has 24 members who are students of the school. Most of them are from the Special Science Class (since they are the ones brave enough to join in the screening). Most of the senior members are from the star section and all of them are busy with school matters.

When I started out as co-adviser, I was so excited. I wanted to do all things at once. I wanted a debate seminar, a series of tournaments followed by a final tournament.

Now, I have grown really disappointed over these matters.

Why?

I find it hard asking the students to come for meetings and conferences. Their usual reaction is meeting duman.

They never knew how much it hurt not to see the majority of them attend meetings I painfully set up and organize.

I know they are busy but I am also very busy. I have ALS classes every Saturday, I have to go to Agdahon everyday for my morning sessions. I also have to prepare lesson plans, class records… and not just my own… I also have to do that of Nanay since she is too busy to do them herself.

Aside from that, just like all normal human beings, I also have conflicts with money (I am not yet financially stable and as the days and months passed, asking Nanay for money gets more difficult and embarrassing)., with myself and with people around me.

One time, I had to spend my last money on the fare back to school just to attend a meeting wherein nobody, not even a soul, showed up. I walked home feeling sick, more troubled and depressed than ever and sad. Sad because they (the club members) do not value the club in the same way that I did.

By the last week of November last year, I have grown resentful and I started thinking that I do not want to have anything to do with the club anymore. I did not care about it.

I tried to revive my enthusiasm by the second week of December. But the January meeting has left me depressed again.

I forced myself to do my part and I keep forcing myself still. There were three or four members who are quite dedicated to what we are doing but most are not as passionate about it.

They are very busy with school work. I try to help them as best as I can but the problem with the budget keeps interfering after all.

I no longer know what to do with myself and with the club. I am just too serious about it but these teeners do not need this kind of pressure. I already feel bad for forcing them to stay later than usual and from keeping them from the things that they would rather do.

Maybe next year, I will just give up the club and focus on my master’s degree and my classes. At least, I would have a valid reason for pressuring to students into their full and total potential.

Guys, I am sorry for making you do things you do not want to do and for forcing Debate into your additional duties list.

(Sad).