Donning Rose Colored Glasses

I woke up one morning, jumped off my bed and immediately went to watch the sunrise only to be greeted by a gray environment enveloped by smog (smoke and fog).

Adelle was right when she said that the times right now demand that we be conscious of our spending route.

A typical Grade 10 salary of most employees is not enough to supply a family’s needs. Most teachers I know revert to “selling” their salaries in advance to the school cashier or to other loan sharks who take advantage of their financial weakness. Most incur debts from the neighborhood Bombay or to the school allied bank.

Anyway, I was forced to borrow 6,000 from a co-teacher just last February 4, 2009. As a Local School Board teacher, my salary for the month of January has been delayed and Nanay asked me if I could borrow from a co-teacher with the promise to pay her off when I received my salary this January.

Adelle, if you find it difficult, I find it even more difficult. You know what is almost impossible about a single older sister’s duties? She does not have her own family but she takes the responsibilities of a mother.

I have to give up dreams of an isolated life of pure peace, leisure, pleasure, isolation and books. My sister needs a gown for her JS Prom, my youngest brother needs a certain staggering sum for his expensive primary school tuition. My SSC brothers need to pay their Miscellaneous and PTA Fees. I could not even indulge a monthly trip to the cheapest fast food center in this place.

Sigh. And come to think of it, I do not even have my own family yet.

A co-teacher once made a comment about my tendency to treat questions about my love life or the lack of one as a joke. She said that one day; she would make sure that I would not find it as funny as I do know.

I thought hello? Parihuson mo ako kanimo? Maybe you are just jealous of my carefree and single state, ay. I have no plans to shackle myself on a lifetime of exile from the world I so want to live in.

Aside from that, how can you take having a boyfriend seriously?

I cannot properly support my siblings in everything they need. What would happen if I went off and get hitched myself? Where does that leave my sisters and brothers? Where does that leave me?

When you live in a particular place like this one, you would end up marrying the most persistent tricycle driver or the nearest tambay neighbor.

And that is not pure conjecture on my part. Most of the teachers here are married to jobless idiots (even my own mother… but my father is the most adorable man in the world aside from my Lolo. However, Tatay is now working at the new National airport as a NATO police, whatever that means).

Aside from seafarers (I heard from someone that seafarers have an unwritten rule of marrying teachers), most of the teachers I know here are married to jobless men, tricycle drivers, manugbaligya- sa – tiyange, and househusbands who take care of the home and the kids. Two or four of them are married to policemen; several are married to city hall employees… There are a couple or two who are married to co-teachers they met on the job…

But most cases are rather despairing…

I know a teacher who married her former student who is now a tricycle driver.
I am also aware of how these drivers view these new teachers (like myself, thankfully, I am not physically appealing at all). How they often get a kick every time a beautiful new teacher rides their tricycle.

There was this teacher who also married another bum like tricycle driver who left her with three kids and went off gallivanting with a whore in Manila.

A teacher I know summarized the point very well. She told us that men nowadays, especially those who have not graduated nor have decent employment (and by decent, I mean one that can feed, clothe, and pay for extra needs of a growing family) tend to look for teachers especially those who are plain-looking ones. Why? Teachers have steady jobs and salaries. It may not mean much but in the long run, it can provide for a family and a man with no scruples, roots or principles.

I maybe biased, but I always freeze out tricycle drivers who tend to address me in a less than professional and impersonal manner. I mean, out of decency and respect, can you just please leave me alone? I do not need your comment nor do I need your talk. I have enough as it is, thank you.

I know what appeals to these types. The salary that comes your way every 15th or 30th of the month. Really.

If women knew how to pimp themselves for a lifetime of comfort and ease, men have also started to learn that skill.

Anyway, I refused to see myself as one of these teachers. I do not want to end up married to a tricycle driver, who will give me a dozen kids, ask money from me and beats me up to get my own salary, then goes off to whore around town or get drunk with his cohorts.

Damn. What a life.

So, to I will stop looking at these smoggy gray areas of existence, I’ll put on my rose colored glasses, bury myself in a book and keep the look and you’ll freeze expression on my face once I get out of the classroom.

I’d rather wait for my dream man and stay single for the rest of my life rather than curse my future children and grand children to a life of drudgery and pain.