Whose to Blame?

Whose to blame in the collapse or failure of a relationship?

My co-teacher once asked this question of me after she narrated her experience in a seminar of the same ilk.

Indeed, to whom can we blame the failure of a romantic relationship.

A romantic relationship is probably one of the most complicated bond a man can be involved in.

Ponder these: Two people of entirely different backgrounds meet on a familiar frame of existence one day in their life. They found out that they have some things in common and are probably thorn together as often enough as to make them believe that they could indeed, get along well with each other.

They share certain similarities which bind them tight but they also share certain differences which keeps them on their toes.

The fact that they live in different quarters can also create a strong pull or longing to be with the other 24 hours a day.

In the past, the usual response for the need to be together is to sign a piece of paper legalizing that need.

In the day of alternative lifestyles and making choices, a word is enough… and probable a partner who has an available space in his or her nest.

However, not all bond can last the test of time and familiarity. As one adage goes, Familiarity breeds contempt. Too much of something kills. And too much of the other person can kill a blooming passion or can at least exhaust its source.

I claim to be no expert in relationships. I have not tried it myself so who am I to say that it does not last and who am I to determine who is to blame.

However, this just makes for a real fancy piece of writing.

Aside from that, I have a decade plus experience when it comes to reel romance. I am a romance novel junkie (not the mainstream classic ones but the so-called pulp types).

Anyway, I have watched several real romances, adult or otherwise form and flounder right before my very eyes so, I belive I can make an adept guess as to how it really is, without developing unfair biases and hang ups and unhealthy perspectives.

And so, who is to blame?

If I were a passive female bound to an alpha male kind of guy, I would probably put all the blame on the guy. Why? A girl like me would just be willing to go along with whatever he wishes.

If my male knows how to take good care of me, everything is okay. The entire relationship balance rests on his shoulders and I expect him to do all the work.

Whatever my master wishes will be done is my favorite line. If he can continue with what we have, I am good with it. I am happy to do as he pleases, go along with all his wishes…blah..bllah.

If it fails, it is entirely his fault since I am willing to do as heplease.

However, if I were the alpha female type who can think for herself and want things done her way; I would say, the woman controls all the shots.

The man is simply willing to go along with my way of thinking. I just have to adjust myself, get to know him real well and make use of his psychological make up in making decisions for both our sakes.

Men are really simple creatures. You just have to know what buttons to push.

If a relationship fails, it is all my fault since it would mean that I do not know how my man thinks and I do not know enough to anticipate his needs.

(To be really, really honest, this is just what I have accepted as true and I could not really imagine any view.)

However, for the sake of literary partiality, let me give this balanced view.

To a fair minded person, the answer would be both of them.

It takes to tango. The dance of relationship also requires both partners cooperation.

The man should hold the waist and/or the woman’s hands. The woman should also hold on to the mans neck/or hands.

I do not dance so I do not really know how this woks. But, have you not noticed something really funny about the intimate dance:the one shared by lovers? The one that usually happens in a jam packed fiesta dance floor while David Pomeranz Born for You is being played in the background?

The man holds the waist of the woman with both his hands and the woman holds on to the man’s neck with both hands. It makes me think that the woman has the man in a stranglehold and is choking him to death (an odd thought).
Anyway, what I really man is they both move in a steady and smooth yet slow rhythm as they look at each others eyes as of they were the only persons in the dance floor.

No one tells which way to go, what to do, how to move. They just anticipate each other’s action and thus, equally respond.

I saw this in my grandparents marriage of almost 35 years before my Lolo passed away. My grandmother was really the vain, religious catholic type who is very conservative and my lolo is the debonair ladies-man type.

When I was not yet born, Lolo used to drink a lot of booze and Lola tried to solve the problem by buying the booze herself so that Lolo would no longer leave the house to drink.

However, he continued doing so. When he came one day, lola picked up one of the left over bottles stacked at home and started getting drunk herself. Imagine my Sunday- churchgoing - Roman Catholic grandmother guzzling alcohol like water….

That shocked my Lolo a lot. He had not expected his genteel little wife to actually drank like… you get the point. Starting that day, he minimized his alcohol intake.

Aside form being a really overzealous Catholic, my grandmother is also a bit the nag herself. She is the natural, sharp-eyed aristocrat at home.

The only one who knows how to diffuse her anger is my grandfather. In fact, when Lola is one of her really volcanic moods, my grandfather is the only person who would go near her.

Until now, Lola still mourns the death of her one and only lover. In fact, the only memories that can make her smile after so many years of hard living is the memory of my grandfather and everything he did for her.

They had a grand passion in a very simply way of life. Their children were not so very fortunate to inherit that gift.

The only two surviving daughters had disastrous marriages which ended up in illegal separation. Aside form that, two of their five sons are seafarers and are married to two equally fickle-minded, pretty little nurses who do not have any professions other than mother hood.

The younger of the two discovered his wife was being unfaithful. I am aware the older one need only to wait for a few more years since he married a wife who is more than a decade younger than she is.

Marriage nowadays has really become quite predictable. Let me share a few quotes that a friend from IM sent me:
MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master


DIVORCE:
Future Tense
of Marriage


Happy loving. If you can….