A Page from My Diary

A Page from my diary. Written just after I woke up and had my first really hot and sugary coffee for the day.

January 11, 2009
6:58 AM

I am not exactly happy with myself since I spent most of my vacant hours crying my heart out over the rumored proposal of Prince William to his girlfriend.

Not, it is not exactly that. If I am honest, I am jealous over the intimacy he shares with Kate and the fact that William wants to spend all his break time from his duties with her.

He has indeed found the love I have been wishing him to find and that has made me sad. Because I am not the one sharing those intimate moments with him.

Talk about contradiction.

Anyway, I akm trying to busy myself with all the things that I have to do in school along with my illegal readings. My life here in Passi pales in significance in contrast to the kind of life I wish I have somewhere else.

Is that bad of me? I think it is. I am not happy with the kind of life God gave me and that makes me really guilty.

In fact, I was happier when I was a student in College. I spent my living daylights in a far more exotic place and I get to see different sights every day.

That made my day really more lovely.

Now, all I see are the same boring faces every single day and that sort of really ticks a person out.

I long for a different kind of life. A life of adventure, of new experiences, of a far more different world than the one that I have right now.

A weekend in my life:

Saturdays are usually black moments. I usually wake up at six and I had to work on my lesson plans for my literacy class in Quinagaringan.

I would try to live before 8:00 but I would usually managed to do that after eight. Ride a jeep to Quinagaringan Grande and teach a batch of subhumans until 11:00.

I would then catch a jeep back home, have a quick lunch and catch another jeep back to Quinagaringan, this time Pequeno. I would teach a Grade A batch of subhumans until 4 then go home afterward.

If I have more money, I would go to an internet café and research on some materials I regularly made a point of gathering then be home after six.

At night, I would watch odd animation videos until 9 pm or Nanay is off to her weekend tryst, until 1:00 Am.

I would also dabble with my self-study project and go to sleep with my pocketbooks.

Sundays

I usually wake up after six. Then, I would prepare a hot drink, power up my laptop and update my diary.

Breakfast is usually at eight. I always know that I have to catch up with my lesson plans and recordings but I tend to delay them at the last moment (a real Filipino thing).

I would spend most of the mornings puttering around doing nothing really. Then, after a hefty lunch cooked by a younger sister who is a century older than I am, I would take my Sunday afternoon nap. (I am really useless at home. I could not even claim that I wash my own clothes).

Then, I would wake up at around 4 pm and I would start puttering purposelessly around without doing anything until dinner time comes.

Then, I would eat dinner with my siblings, watch another odd animation flick and go off to bed only to wake up at 2 AM to cram for all the things I did not do.

Wahaha. The routine gets stale and old but I am so used to it .

By the middle of the week (sometimes even earlier), I would be fed up with the work overload and would start wishing for the weekends.

That is the reason why I want to go to the States. If it were a weekend and I lived in Washington, I would probably visit the Smithsonian Museums. I would probably jog every morning since it would be too cold to sweat out.

I would probably cook my own food since no sister can take over. I would wash my own clothes since I can bully no one to do it for me. I would probably spend my tme outdoors or in malls since I have no company to pick on at home.

I can probably go to a classical concert in the evenings since it would be available. And I would proably love my family since I would miss them intensely.

What a quandary. What a rut for a life.