Written on a Monday, in a frame of mind that refuses to wake up from a lazy weekend and face youthful, empty-headed brains that needs to be filled with knowledge and wisdom.
January 12, 2009 listening to Jim Brickman’s music
4:28 AM
I woke up later than planned because of my regular black voodoo ritual….magic at its best, I tell you.
Anyway, this was the first time in several nights that I was not able to think about Prince William.
It is honestly difficult to go through this stage. I am in a state of blissful unawareness right now. It was rumored that William will propose to his long time girlfriend on her birthday (which was last Friday, January 9, 2009). When I read the news, the date was Jan 8 (in England, it was already Jan. 9, 5:00 pm here in the Philippines).
I really had no idea if he has proposed because our TV has been dead for ages. I am also afraid to find out if he, at last, did it. I know Kate’s parents were invited for a tea with Prince Charles and the Duchess of Rothesay.
He is already 27 years old and will turn 28 this June.
What a funk. If he ever married, I do not know how I would feel. I would feel… anyway, we’ll just cross the bridge when we get there.
What will happen to my feelings if he marries? Will I try to forget him?
No. That would not change a thing. In fact, I would just continue with the fad and sort of nurture my feelings from a distance.
Right now, William is my favorite person on earth. I enjoy knowing about him. He has given my life a sort of perspective, a sort of new way at looking at everything in this world.
Marriage is a part of his journey so I would enjoy scrutinizing every nuance of that aspect of his life.
Oh no. I am not an obsessed pervert. I am just someone who has come to terms with an emotional loophole.
In this life, Prince William has become my very own conception of a romantic hero. If I found his mother’s sad life fascinating, I find his life more so.
He is a male, unlike his mother’s female. Aside from that, he was born into power and position. He grew up in it.
Unlike his father, he seems to be a loyal man. He has been with one girl for several years now. He has no intimacy issues because he can be alone with his lover for long stretches of time.
But then, Kate might just be a comfortable blanket. A commodity that is known, thereby considered as safe and less emotionally taxing. I do not now really know.*(Insa haw? Bestfriends kami?)
But, I would enjoy finding out.
(Right now, I am listening to Olivia Newton John singing: My Valentine and I am touched I feel like crying. It sort of expresses what I feel right now).
Here’s the Lyrics:
If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I’d still feel for you
And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance run out of rhyme
You will still have my heart
Until the end of time
You’re all I need
My love, My Valentine
All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You’ve opened my eyes
And shown me how to love unselfishly
I’ve dream of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn’t love u more
I would give you my heart
Until the end of time
You’re all I need
My Love, my Valentine
And even if the sun refused to shine
Even of romance run out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
‘Coz all I need is you
My Valentine
You’re all I need
My Love, my Valentine
A person I know claimed that I am really heartless. I do not know if she is believable since she said that as a student being punished by a relentless teacher.
Anyway, my classmates would attest that I am the type of person who never took kindly to love. I am like a prickly cactus who never thought well of love and lovers (especially the young ones). I have seen enough to make me cynical about it.
But, deep inside, I know I am a hopeless romantic. I have sublimated real love with the ones I found in books and falling enamored to a more mythical Prince would logically follow.
Princes don’t exist. Toads do. But I have had enough with toads that I long to believe a Prince can exist. If you’re just too pessimistic, I guess, there’s no where else to go but up. Huh.
Anyway, since there is a Prince, and William happens to be a high profile figure, it would be good to study him. He would prove to be a very viable subject, anyway. (Oh, Heaven just quit justifying yourself all the time. Why don’t you stop this rational nonsense and start feeling at least).
I would study what makes him tick in complete detail. I would observe him thoroughly thru other people’s eyes.
And maybe, then, I would learn more about my own self. Because, the way I look at him would give me a clue about the way I look at the world and who I really am.
This would give me a logical explanation about why I would want something, make the choices I do. Since in him, I made a choice, I actually made a choice. I chose him over all the others.
(Now playing: Jim Brickman’s Love I Found in You)
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