Love and Other Drugs (My Life Version): Part 1

It's valentines day tomorrow and my post this time will be on romantic love.I know.I have never been in any romantic entanglements before. I am not ashamed to admit I have never had a boyfriend.

When it comes to talks about love life and such, I usually keep mum. But when asked, I am honest to say I never had one before. Yes, I love God, I love my family, I love books, I love reading, writing and teaching and I also love to sleep and eat but I have never had the romantic kind, since birth.

And then, questions would start pouring in (making me wish that I never said I never had a boyfriend in the first place).Old classmates from high school and college, colleagues, friends and other acquaintances predictably react in a similar manner.The questions would come and I would lightly respond with half-truths and witticisms and other happy, happy responses.

They would ask:
1. Why have you never had a boyfriend - ever?
Usual answer: (with a shrug and a self-deprecating grin) Look at me!
Answer with best friends: (with a shrug and a wistful smile) I am waiting for the right man for me.
Sarcastic Answer: Who needs men?

2. Did anyone every court you?
Honest answer: Nobody bothered.

3. Why? (I often ask myself why they have that follow-up question).
Usual Answer: Look at me (again). I have no illusions about my looks and I understand that men are attracted to attractive packages, that's why God designed women with all those characteristics which is not apparent in this (referring to my body) package.
Another answer: They are probably intimidated because I don't look approachable at all?Yep. Men are highly sensitive creatures and as such would not take too kindly to feeling inferior.
Honest Answer: I really do not know.

4. How does it feel to never have a boyfriend?
Usual answer: I don't mind at all.(a non-answer, I mean, look at the question)
Witty Answer: I really would not know the difference, would I?
Honest Answer: Sometimes, I feel sad because that's one thing in life that I have missed out on - sharing myself with another mortal who appreciates me not because of our blood relation but because of something else..

5. Do you want to have a boyfriend?
Honest answer: I don't know. It depends on the boyfriend.

6. What kind of boy are you attracted to?
Sometimes Answer: I prefer men over boys (I really would not know the difference).
Honest Answer: I think I would like to be with an intelligent and confident man who is sincere, honest, loyal,mature (not old, mentally mature)...and is centered in God.

7. You never really had a boyfriend?
Well, darn. I often wonder why they would not believe me. It is the truth. I have never had a boyfriend, not even thru text, chat, or any other correspondence. I am not a complete innocent (I read things a nice little girl is not supposed to read, you know), but as one co-teacher said when we were trying to beat each other over knowledge on the amorous arts, what I have is purely theoretical/technical knowledge with no application (and I quipped: Who am I going to practice it with?)

8. Do you wish you have one?
Honest answer: I don't know. I would not say I am absolutely happy with being single. But I would not say this is a sad state for me because to be honest, there really are a lot of things to do in life and I have a lot of responsibilities as the eldest in the family. The man I end up with must understand that there are things I have to do and one of them is to see my siblings settled well first. I would feel guilty if I could not do that because I have been selfish. But sometimes, every time I mention the possibility of having a boyfriend (just to sort of threaten my siblings so that they would study hard), they will just laugh at me and make jokes. Anyway, I am not the type who settles for something because it is convenient and at hand. When I fall in love, I know I would fall hard. Besides, I really am the loyal type and would love to marry my first boyfriend and make him the one and the only in my life (I am a romantic).

This one question was asked, for the first time, just last week. And it surprised me for I really had no inkling about it at all.

Ma'am Letlet: Ven, what if someone courts you now?
Me: (Laughed) Joke, ma'am.
Ma'am Letlet: Tuod. Remember before, I asked you about him.I texted if you know this guy. He was once your student.How would you feel if a student courts you?
Me: (Are you serious?)Haha..
Ma'am Letlet:Tuod, ven. He told me he was your student and I told him I know you. Kilala mo si <....>
Me: Yes, mam. He was, indeed, my student before. But you know the rules. No fraternizing between students and teachers.
Ma'am Letlet: Ti, he is not your student now. He said he wanted to court you but he is afraid to offend you. How would you feel if he did?
Me: (Smiles). It's nice to know someone finds me attractive enough to contemplate that but reall...he was once my student and he will always be my student. Sa mata ko, my students are my sons and daughters. I see them that way (because I may never have sons and daughters in this lifetime)...
Ma'am Letlet: What do you think about him? He is cute.
Me: I remember. I know him and I like the kid. He works hard but as far as romantic attachments...I have my standards.
Ma'am Letlet: Sometimes,we have to stoop down, settle, if we want to be happy.
Me: I don't want to settle, Ma'am. When I eventually have a boyfriend or marry, I want it to be with a man I honestly love. I do not do experiments. I know what I want when I see it. That was what I meant by standards. I am not looking for handsome, rich and etc. I want a man I can respect and love and share myself with...
Ma'am Letlet: (she said something about standards and choices which I did not really register)
Me: I have a crush, that's why. And I want my partner to be just like this guy...
(So the sharing began...but that is another story...)

I was flattered because that student found me attractive despite the package. I could say he probably liked the person he saw inside but I would not count on it. I have often had crushes on impressive teachers I met over the years but that emotion went only as far as that.

When it comes to my students, I am strict with the I do not fraternize code. My students are my children. I love them like my own kids because I share a lot of myself with them.

So this Valentines day will probably be spent eating fishballs, on my own.But, I will have it no other way, until the right man, the right time and the right moment comes.

But I will live a full-life so that if it never comes, I could still say, I have had no regrets...