A Look at My Life

I was never really into New Years Resolutions.

Every time our teachers asked us to write some, I would just scoff and write things I did not really mean at that time. I just needed to finish what was required. So, I usually made vague promises to myself.Promises that I never really meant to fulfill.

And why was that? Because I did not really know what I wanted.

But now, at 25, things seem to have taken on a fresher perspective. Before, I never really knew what I wanted because I did not know who I was. When I was a kindergartner, I never cared about anything but my little self-important self. In grade school, the girl that I was did not care about anything other than having fun (and Prince William). In high school, the geek that I was never cared for anything else other than books, books, more books and academic success ( and pulp fiction and Prince William.In college, the obsessed academic scholar that I was was totally into learning, more learning, philosophy, books and more books (and Prince William and SILAK).

After those very organized years, bedlam...Everything disintegrated on my graduation day. I remember spending the remaining morning after rehearsal in front of the computer at the SILAK office and I recall thinking (while playing Zuma)what the hell am I going to do with my life? What next?

I no longer have the routine I used to detest so much. After the review for the licensure exam and the wait for the results and the job applications, I was really lost. I still had my books but there was no longer the same purpose...

Then I got the job but I was more lost. The teacher that I was, the novice, the neophyte, the beginner so wanted to please everyone that she forgot the real essence of teaching.Then, I tried focusing too much on my students and immediately lost all form of respect towards authority.

I was in a strange struggle. I was not really equipped to deal with the real world. So, after three years, I left the formal school and became a Mobile Teacher for ALS ( a stranger world, if you know what I mean).

But, with this new job came new challenges. Challenges and experiences that I have been hiding away from. Meet people, adjust to people, help people...I never had the opportunity to do that in a big way.

In getting so lost, I guess I found myself. I now know what I want from life.I want to live a simple life, a life that is secure and a life that is peaceful.I don't want or need money, fame or power. I like being myself. Simple but sincere. I like my life the way it is and I would not change a thing.

If I could turn back the clock and change something, I will not change a thing.

So this Christmas, let me give a toast for the wonder life I have led thus far.Let me thank God for brilliantly writing a story such as mine. It may not make the bestseller's list, but it's God's work anyway.

I hope to write a life lived sincerely from this day forward. No bitterness. No negativity. No pretensions. Just God, my family, my friends, and myself in it...