Immediate Plans

Well yes, I did my duty to my Alma Mater. I have given it a portion of myself and my time and I did my best for it, while I could.

It is time that I did that best to myself, find my destiny somewhere else and get over this depression that comes from deeply imbedded feelings of rejection and inadequacy. The attacks are more frequent now, more deeply felt, more encompassing.

Just when I thought things are better, I would just burst into tears for no apparent reason. So, I have to make a move… I have to leave the old school.

The plan is set. After my stint at grad school, I am leaving my Alma Mater for good, not to seek greener pastures (I used to be happy to rot in my hometown eight years ago) but to find myself, my special place in the sun and pursue my destiny.

I originally thought I was destined to teach at my old highschool. I did not know that I was fighting what was willed for me in the first place when I forcibly instigated myself into the old school.

Now, three years under its shadow, I have come to know better.

It no longer matters where I teach, and whether I teach my fellow Passinhons or not. Teaching is a universal call for me and I have accepted that as long as I teach, I could always radiate what God has given me to those impressionable and hungry souls who have come to school to seek out parcels of their own truth.

I used to be so biased about teaching. Yes, I was honestly difficult when it comes to that. I voiced out my disapproval about teachers who go abroad and those who teach in places far from their hometowns. I used to think that teaching could only be meaningful if you teach people who mean so much to you. I used to think that teaching would only have sense if you teach you kasimanwas.

Now, I have come to realize that whoever and wherever you teach, you eventually care for the practice and you would feel the same way towards your students. Teaching is an investment of a teacher’s time, effort and self to help the students find themselves. You always give a part of yourself away whenever you teach and that would make you care for those people who would eventually receive the pieces you gave away…your students.

I am glad that my old school would no longer need me as much as I need to be needed. I am glad that the memory of turning my back from my Alma Mater would no longer haunt me as I used to think it would.

Because I have, finally, made my decision. I am leaving the old school after two more years. By then, I would have left a beautiful story, and I would have taught several Passinhons about life and the real world. Hopefully, by then, I would have left something that they would remember me with.

By that time, I would be ready to explore other worlds, other wonders. Some would think I would apply to my old college school.

I don’t think I would do that. I have learned that I actually would not feel comfortable rubbing elbows with people who know me well.

Life would be easy if I make a clean break of it and go to a new place where I would learn new things.

I am very grateful to my old school for not tying me down. It made me realize that I am being called somewhere else. That I am actually marching to the beat of a different drum, that I am actually hearing a different call than the one I have run after.

What I used to think as rejection was actually a blessing in disguise.

Truly, God works in mysterious ways.