A Mission

I have been thinking about the things I have been doing as a teacher.

I came to the point of feeling a certain sort of dissatisfaction about how I did my job and how I turned out to be in the end.

I guess I was just trying too hard. I have set too high a standard for me to reach and I ended up feelings unhappy.

No one can change the world in just a year, yes. I cannot mould a person into becoming something that I want him to be and I have been doing just that for almost two years of my teaching career.

And if a student does not fit the mold, I immediately reject him.

I never realized that my duty as a teacher is not to change a person into a better one. He has to do that for himself and I can only help him make choices.

Amo lang daa gali ya role ko as a teacher.:To show my students that they have options in life. Making the decision is their job, not mine.

I guess I feel better now that I understand the extent of my mission.

I guess the fact that one of the most brilliant students I handled this year reportedly got pregnant depressed me. My God, she is only what, 13 years old?

Was I not able to teach her the importance of safe sex (well, we have not taken that up in our lit class but I wish I did). Or at least, did I not somehow discuss the necessity of keeping oneself chaste in this day and age or avoiding entanglements at their age?

I feel bad because I was not able to do something. She is a very intelligent girl and has so much potential.

Two of her friends led her astray I guess and I felt I should have warned her beforehand.

But then, I realized that is beyond me. I am only their teacher in English I and I am not in contact with her for such a long time.

I still feel bad though. I should have been more sensitive, more discerning. I should have kept a careful tab on her.

I was not able to do much for this child. I could have done better. I just do not know what that better is.

With this experience, I learned that as a teacher, I should not be selfish. I should nopt allow myself to wallow in self-doubt and self-pity and should, instead, focus my attention on these young folks who needs them.

Because to be really honest, in the middle of the school-year, I have been happily wallowing in the depths of self-pity and despair that I was not able to open my senses to the needs of my students.

I have been very selfish. I eagerly wanted to pull the hours to the time I could go home and sleep the whole night off.

I now realized that while in school, I should have kept my own problems and worries somewhere else. As a teacher, I am obliged to lead my students. They need my guidance.

And when my duty is done, I could then turn to God and let Him lead me and guide me. Because He is my teacher.