The Punk World

Is it really punk? Huh?

1:34 PM, written while preparing a set of Quiz Bee material for the coming English Festival.

Linkin Park really rocks.

I just discovered the wonder of this kind of teenage rock. I mean, I am past my teenage years and here I am in a public school office with my laptop speakers blaring out the mad anguish of a set of rock icons.

I like the lyrics, honest.

I guess you could say that I am just starting to appreciate why teenagers find a lot of things in common with rock stars. I am starting to discover that this particular exercise is a form of expression, rebellion and therapy all rolled in to one.

For someone who cannot speak out his thoughts frankly, it is good to have a someone else do that for you.

When my parents first separated two years ago, after a steady and comfortable twenty year arrangement of peaceful co-existence, we, the six-person product of that marriage, were rocked to our very core.

I was already twenty years old at that time and I had just graduated from college. I was jobless and I was quite eager to enjoy that state. In fact, I once hope of volunteering my services to far-flung island schools.

However, my parent’s marriage disintegrated. The process was painful to observe and the six of us were abit out of sorts.

I mean, this was not part of the deal. We had not expected anything like this?

In fact, the first thing that came to my mind is: this only happens in movies, or teleseryes. I cannot quite comprehend that I am actually living the life.

When I was young, I only knew songs which are wholesome and good since my parents were quite strict.

In fact, my musical encounters were limited to nursery and children’s songs, folk choir, the church choir and later on, religious music.

It was not until college that I was introduced to the other complications of popular music.

However, when Tatay left home, and Nanay went off to wherever she usually goes, our house rocked.

Not figuratively but literally.

I started buying what I used to term as black music. These wild songs would beautifully fill the whole house and I would lay on the cold concrete-tiled floor without sheets or pillows.

For a while, I would get lost in the beat and the rhythm and my heart would start beating really fast as the music rises up to its usual strange climactic movements.

And then, the tears would start to fall.

Sometimes, when all my siblings are off to school, I would shut all the windows in the house and would start playing rock music really loudly. Then, I would start screaming my head off until my throat feels raw.

It may seem mad now that the pain has numbed into a dull ache, but doing that felt awfully good and therapeutic back then.

During the first year, when the pain was quite throbbing, like a living thing feeding on my heart, I remember hating Christmas Songs. I hated them because it made me remember that past Christmas we spent as a family, a complete unit.

It hurts bad because it makes you realize that things would no longer be the same. All of us have evolved certain defense mechanisms against pain and disillusionment.

I have turned to writing, studies and my books. My younger sister turned to her art and her cell phone. The youngest turned to obsessive house-cleaning habits and her music (she regularly listens to killer bee and always keeps a record of the top thirty. She also keeps a guitar she does not know how to play). My brother turned to his sciences and odd speculations about the world. My ten year old brother turned to his hand crafts and has started hating everyone. The youngest turned to his annoying pranks.

Odd how man goes about with his survival.

Whatever we do now, we always have our rock music. Everytime Nanay picks on me and my eating and sleeping hobbies, I would turn on the volume for an old Linkin Park hit (Numb) or Simple Plan’s Welcome to my Life, or Evanescence Everybody’ Fool and that other favorite which entirely escapes me right now.

When I am alone, I usually play Fra Lippo Lippi’s music or Jim Brickman’s piano pieces, or Busted’s calming work friendly music (it helps me work real fast).

But, when I am with company I hate, I play unsoft music.

I hate them. Life’s hard anyway.