The Man I Thought I Wanted

Written on a night after I defragmented my hard disk. Hehe. As if anyone wants to know.And my brother is demanding my presence on the table (ubuson na kuno parte ko right now.

I made this list last year and I only had the guts to write about it two months later.

I made this one to protect myself from falling in love with a guy who could hurt me (in short: all guys).

It has become a sort of armor because I do not really believe that such a man exists. In fact, I would be really surprised if someone would tell me that this guy exists.

just look at all the specific qualifications I set:

THE MAN I WANT
ü He should be very intelligent
ü Knows a lot about history
ü Knowledgeable about current events and economy
ü Knows literature
ü Proficient with technological stuff and matters
ü Tall, pleasant looking (not necessarily handsome), big and bear like
ü Tasteful dresser (into thick sweaters and classical look)
ü Communicates efficiently
ü Loves music, theatre and the arts
ü A reader or if not, at least, well informed on a lot of things
ü A doctor, a college professor, a teacher, a lawyer, an engineer, an architect
ü He should be a visionary, a philosopher and he should love learning
ü He should play at least two instruments, preferable, A violin and a piano
ü He should be able to provide well for me and whatever family well have
ü He should be deeply religious
ü He should love me in a metaphysical sense and accept me for what I am and what I am capable of being with him

See what I mean? Does this character exist? If you know anyone like him, kindly call or text this number )(!($@$))@).

I did not add any revisions but back then, I really believed I wanted someone like him.

However, I think I have fallen in love. I mean, I really did this time. But it was to someone totally unexpected. Someone really nice but totally unsuitable for me because of certain differences that can never be breached.

I like the male a lot. And like all the others, this is getting nowhere. (I know that).

Before, I had Jose Rizal as the epitome of the man I wanted. He was so like the Filipino Renaissance man. I fell in love with his brain, his talents, his versatility, his brilliance, his genius. (Leos like me are tempted by things like that… great things… like the proverbial moth which is attracted to the flame).

I was passionate about Rizal when I was young.

Then, I rooted on Prince William. He is rich and powerful. I did not really realize that what I liked about him was his position, the social strata he grew up in, the glamour of his existence (it was only lately that I saw the accomplished youth eclipsed by the expectations of the title he holds).

Then, there was the University Student Council Chairperson in college who speaks even better than the University President and who graduated Magna Cum Laude at the end of his class.

After him, I automatically pounced on the ex-editor in chief of our college publication who ran for the College Student Council chairmanship and who was eventually employed by our Alma Mater.

After him came the great artist who whetted my appetite on strange music. He was accomplished in his craft, and it was fascinating when you watch him recreate life on paper.

When he graduated, I turned to books again and lost myself on the medieval heroes of Julie Garwoods historical romance novels and the alpha males of Jayne Ann Krentz contemporary romances.

This time though, I rooted on someone strange and odd, both beautiful on the outside and inside, perfect and nice and imperfect but … I can’t really say. He is both terrible and good…

The distance between us right now is similar to the distance that Emily had with Viktor. (Watch the Corpse Bride. I can totally empathize with Emily’s character).

Anyway, We do not suit each other and I know I would always be watching on the sidelines for him, clapping my hands in the appropriate moment, congratulating him when appropriate, giving advices when necessary, lending a helping hand when needed.

He is a very dear friend and finding about this feeling has put me in an uncomfortable situation. I feel as if I am taking advantage of the friendship that we share. He does not know anything about what I feel and I would prefer if it stays this way.

We do not spend that much time together for me to be so threatened. Thank God I have my work to keep my mind off this admiration which my sisters find absolutely funny.

When Katrina, a student asked me about love, I told her I do not believe it exists in real life. That is why I am hooked on romance novels (the pulp type).

Because of this friend, however, I found out that whatever list onemakes pales in significance to the real thing.

Now, here is the kind of man that I want:

The man I want is someone I can talk with for hours on end without us getting tired listening to each other talk. That is precious. It is a commodity that I usually share with some of my students especially those who are like me, not with people my age.

Except for my friend. He is rare. Special.Precious.

Yuck. What am I saying?