Life and Love Online

A lot of things can happen online.

Funny that. I probably was never good at socializing but I never realized that man, I actually excel at facebooking.

Yeah, I know that term is not exactly correct since facebooking is not a word but how else would you call that all-consuming activity that can lead to excessive headaches, that metacarpal thingy ( I forgot the correct term), and yeah, over-all physical and mental degeneration/retardation (kidding).

Some of my highschool classmates said that they were surprised to find that I, the proverbial hermit of the class, actually has an active social life - online, that is. Well, computers probably suit a geek like me.

Like most closet socialites, I feel a lot more freedom in front of my trusty laptop computer . Probably because encoding your thoughts requires the same process as writing them - which is my most natural form of self-expression anyway. I feel gauche and awkward when I have to "say" things out loud. I am more eloquent when I write them down.

Two months ago, I virtually spent all my spare time in internet cafe's downloading from scribd, checking updates and posting my innermost thoughts on facebook. Two years ago, I regularly blogged my ideas - I now keep and maintain three blogs, one for my personal life, one for my work, and one for my spiritual expressions.

I also have an online bestfriend whom I chat with when things get worst or when things get better.

Now that I have my own laptop, it only got worst. I started looking and applying for online freelance writing jobs and I have even subscribed to several online publishing website, hoping to work as critic partner to some struggling novice novelist...

Weird me... I start the day with a music video of HillSong United songs and end it with Jim Brickman's music. I express angst and frustration thru FB, getting mad and crazy and posting almost every thought that comes to me.

I had virtual encounters with relatives from all over the Philippines from both sides of my swirling gene pool. I even explored the not-so-positive aspects of my nature.

Then, the most elating of them all is finding your dream guy online (and of course, there's a catch, there always is)...

On FB, I was always stalker mode, checking his status, updates and photos all the time. I know those postings were not enough to fully tell you something about the other person but the virtual me does not seem to care.

I haven't told anyone about this fascination and it feels almost illicit. If he knows, he will probably block me (you know that weird blue thingy under your profile which says Report/Block this Person which I almost clicked once just out of curiosity).

He does not know me but I know him and like a crazy PI, I track every step he makes - online. It feels creepy to me too and I did not expect that I had those tendencies too. I mean, me? Well, you would never caught me ogling a guy in real life but I am quite good at snooping beneath the layers when no one's watching. And really, nobody bothers too watch me.

I often spend about ten minutes of every online moment just going through his posts and updates. There's nothing sexual about it at all, trust me. It's just pure sneaky appreciation which I don't get to do in real life.

Am I in love? No. Obsessed. Maybe.

I really don't care though. I am just being true to myself. Since he is not exactly within my circle or reach, I am pretty safe...