DAM MA I

Now Playing: Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park

I am mad. I feel absolutely out of place in this world I have so insistently tried to penetrate for three years now.

I feel like I am an alien body that is trying to co-exist with humans, or perhaps a vampire living on the fringe of human existence.

I want to scream out. I want to… I don’t know.

Nobody can hurt me without my consent. I wonder why I am allowing the monsters of this impenetrable kingdom to actually hurt me.

Maybe because I wanted to come out as a damsel in distress or the wronged party in this mad dash to nothingness.

You are absolutely right. An unexpected meeting has brought this reaction. Meetings with the principal always make me feel like this. As if all the rock songs I have is never enough to expel the demon raging inside me.

Right now, it is licking me dry with flames of ice. I feel cold inside. I feel numbed. I am feeling so much pain that I have frozen within, enough to freeze the tears that would threaten to fall.

It is all my fault anyway. Who told me to stay here and wait on God knows who or what to take pity on me and make my existence legal and valid.

I said a resounding no to another offer I just received. Damme. But, isn’t it just dandy? I do not want to regret the decisions I made.

But, to reiterate what I said a few weeks ago, I regretted the decision that prompted me to stick to my guns and run after an ideal that refused to be achieved.

They say that when the door closes, a window of opportunity opens. The door to this institution I am in right now is eternally locked and the key has been swallowed by a fire-breathing dragon.

A window opened a year ago and I am so glad I caught it just in time. That window actually saved me from being imprisoned inside the castle of destruction and desolation. Instead, it has allowed me a safe haven to see and be part of the castle practices but never be tied to it.

Like a traveling bard, I am here inside the castle, only for a while. A really short while… then, once I see another window pop open, I am jumping out…never to return again.

I’ll never walk through that door. Not even if the dragon opens it for me with an engaging grin on his face.

No. Opportunity seldom knocks twice (it’s the opportunist who does that). The next time my bard duties are through, I am leaving the castle.