Now playing: Leave out all the rest by Linkin Park
Everything ends in death or loss, because as long as there is still something out there, you know it is not yet the end.
My dog died today. He has been with us since he was a baby. We had to feed him milk, help him on his feet, and train him.
When you want to call him, you do not need to whistle or make ordinary dog sounds. All you have to do is call out his name or the monicker of it: Beebee. We also sometimes call him Peebee from Spielbee.
We were not exactly sure if Spielberg was a pedigreed dog. We did not care. We like the fury ball of energy which came into our life unexpectedly.
He was the first male dog we really warmed up on. Well, we girls in the family always frowned upon male dogs but Spielberg was an irresistible force.
Then, just two days ago, he got sick. He refused to eat and kept vomiting nothing. I took him out for a walk this morning but all he did was lie on the pavement as if he was too tired. I promised to take him out for a walk everyday if he would just get well.
That promise still holds. I am going to walk every morning as a memorial for Beebee.
I wished we brought him earlier to the local vet but we were just too late.
I feel a bit angry, sad, and confused.
When my brother said he has died, apparently in his sleep, I did not feel anything. I have become a total expert in blocking my feelings, but, the overwhelming pain eventually caught up with me and I felt my heart breaking literally.
I could not breathe. It was as if a big stone has lodged somewhere in my heart.
Beebee always slept on my bed every morning. And he is such a noisy bedmate because he keeps barking all night.
He pretended to be such a brave pug and would act as if he would attack anyone close only to back off when you leave him facing the “enemy”.
He was the thing I hugged when I felt sad. I really would miss feeling his awkward licks. He never really learned how to lick a hand properly, you know.
I am going to miss him.
I asked God to give us this pet. Beg and bargained with Him to allow us to keep him. My prayers fell on deaf ears.
Was it not important?
It made me evaluate a lot of things in my life lately.
Do animals have souls (watch Brother Bear 1 and 2)? When they die, where do their souls go (I am currently playing Even in Death by Evanescence, I thought I heard him bark)?
Does God have any special place for them?
I don’t know. I feel as if something inside me has changed with the death of this pet. I was the one who named him Spielberg. We were so totally into Dreamworks movies, that’s why.
I am going to miss you, Spielberg.
When he was a pup, Spielberg walked all over my laptop and was able to leave this mess on my files. I copied it and kept it. I intend to delete it so I made a back up here.
It was created on Friday, December 26, 2008 at 10:19:26 AM
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I would rather think that Peebee has now joined the spirits and is at peace. It would be awfully painfully to even remotely consider that after this life, that valiant spirit, that spirit which made him wag his tail when he was very much closer to death’ door, would just disappear like that.
My sister is still crying outside and I cannot console her.
Now playing: My Last Breath by Evanescence
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