I have never had a boyfriend so I really do not know how having one would feel.
Oh yes, I have been the sounding board and ear of several breaking hearts but all those chummy talks with my oh so mature classmates usually left me feeling cold.
What is really the point of entering into a relationship? The fights they have recounted were pointless matters. The arguments were inessentials. The assertions and aspersions were pretty crazy and, I guess, I did not really sympathized with them back then.
Alove Story...turned bad
Just last Wednesday, I went to my old university so that I can apply for a Graduate study program.
After I secured the forms I would need, my mother dropped me off to Robinsons so I could go book-bingeing again.
After several hours in Booksale, my mother fetched me and we waited outside Mang Inasal for our Jeepney ride to the bus terminal.
Most of the PUJ’s were full so we had to wait for quite a while.
With us was a strange looking couple. Well, strange because the girl had the man’s shirt bunched in a tight fist.
I thought they were just doing the usual icky PDA thing and pa-cutesy with each other all around.
I tried to hide a grin. Well, Valentines was still a week off and these can’t really be serious.
When I looked at them again, I saw the girl hit the man on the chest several times. She gave him several weak almost desperate blows on the chest.
The guy was looking at her, sometimes at others, his manner calm and cool, as if he was trying to talk to her soothingly.
I frowned and thought: Poor guy. He is saddled with a clingy, emotional wreck.
I turned away and asked Nanay for the fruitcake she kept in her bag. Looking at them made me hungry.
While eating, I could not resist taking another peek at the lovers.
And I cringed at what I saw. The girl was gripping the mans shirt again, alternately hitting him once more on the chest with her fist, as she tried to lower down her voice, asking the man something, almost desperately demanding it from him.
The guy looked at her firmly and held her hand, pulling if off his crumpled T-shirt. I can see that he was quite embarrassed by the spectacle the girl was turning out to be.
And I thought, boys, stay away from girls like her.
Then, the first tear fell and I blanched. Oh God, I thought. The girl desperately tried to keep the tears at bay, and continued to demand, in a small voice about something the guy refused to answer.
Then, I saw the guilt in the guy’s eyes. And, as if the girl sensed it too (was that woman;s intuition?) her tears started falling earnestly. She was asking him why?
I saw the remorse in the guys face. He did not know what to do with the crying girl (If I were him, I would have dragged her into my arms, hugged her fiercely and assure her that I will never break her heart again because yes, her heart was breaking and I can almost hear the pieces making ping, ping, ping (and toink,toink,toink) sounds as they hit the pavement).
I thought: Damn you, you cretin from hell! Why do you always make gentle girls like her cry, you devil.
Then, as a typical human that he is, the man grew angry and gripped the girl’s hands hard. He whisked her hands away from him and walked away and the woman stupidly followed him and did the same grip and hit routine.
It was pretty stupid, really. I almost pitied the girl but I could not help feeling absolutely irked with her.
Men who make you cry aren’t worth the tears. It is pretty silly, really. And I think girls deserve more than and more from men like him.
Anyway, I felt really sad after witnessing such a public debacle. It was not necessary at all. And really stupid.
I am quite sure that like other lovers, they started out as happy and how did they progressed a week before Valentine’s Day? Tears, and a public fight. What could be worse than PDA (public display of antagonism)?
If I were in the girl’s place what would I do, huh? Umm, if the man I loved betrayed me with another girl, I think I would just ask him about it. Ask him to tell the truth and tell him to pursue his happiness.
Of course, I would probably cry over him too (I would not pick someone who is not worth crying over, really), but I will do it in the sanctuary of my room. Not in front of him and the whole damned world.
No way. I would never grant a man that kind of satisfaction. That only caters to their sadistic tendencies.
What could be wrong? Why are these things happening? Some man leaves his wife for another woman, some woman cuckolds her husband with another guy, some boyfriend betrays her loving girl with her bestfriend and some girlfriend dabbles in cyber relationships.
Cool huh? IS this the alternative lifestyles that they were referring to at the dawn of the new millennium?
I mean, wow. Free for all? Duh.
I really do not know with the rest of the world but I think the real reasons why I would enter into a relationship (hopefully, one that includes a ring on the finger, a Christian ceremony and a lifetime of konsumisyona and the usual 2.5 kids in a 2 storey bungalow) are the ff:
1. Love, as I define it.
In a Philosophy of Man class, a classmate once asked me to say I Love you without using the actual words. My answer? I want to share my thoughts with you. I guess that classmate was right. Love cannot be explained, it can only be expressed and my expression of love is by sharing who and what I am to the other person. I love a person when I share my time and my knowledge with him or her.
And when I say love, I am not talking of the romantic kind.
Love for me is the desire to be with the other person. When I choose my mate someday (mate, daw sapat ba), I would give my heart into his keeping. (Daw sa Pirates of the Caribbean bala).
For me, there are no such things as a true love, an endless love or a first love. There is only love. That is one emotion that one feels but that cannot be explained, not even by philosophy. Love is love. And when you feel it, you will know it.
2. Companionship
That is the second reason why I would enter into a relationship. My life partner is someone who will be with me for the rest of my life; not only for today, but for the rest of it. I will not accept compromises because I only have one heart, and when I give it to him I would not take it back again. I would demand that he take care of it. In return though, I would also ask for his heart (tapos, mapista kami nga daw mga aswang, pati liver kag tanan nga kasudlan) and in the same manner, I would take care of it (and eat it with relish, niyahaha).
3. Need
A classmate and I once went to a mall right after school. I think we needed to buy something for a course requirement back then. While walking, we saw a lot of couples strolling and window shopping (so called because naga lantaw lang sagwa ka window hehe) and I told her, quite innocently (yes, innocently since I was only 18 back then) that maybe, she (my classmate) should go find a boyfriend so that someone will also treat us out to dinner or lunch or jollibee. She laughed, but I know there was a mercenary glint in her eye that seems to say that she agrees with me. Hmmm.
Kidding aside, that is one reason why I would also want to , you know… Because of need. That biting thing inside you that keeps you feeling unsatisfied when you know you should be satisfied. That little spark of sad feeling within that makes you cry in the middle of the night because you have no one to hug in your soft, big bed. That need for someone or something to reach out to, touch and share all the pains and gains of the day… Amu da (and I am not talking about the hunger pangs, day).
4. Passion.
Love is weak, as the world defines it. But, there is something out there that strengthens a relationship. Passion, that is what it is. It is not obsession, no. Obsession is not good. It is quite destructive. Passion is the thing. If you have not yet felt that then, that is just too bad.
Sige, so that you can understand me better, let us try this analogy:
Have you seen a little puppy biting a shoe? When the pup refuses to let go of the shoe, passion daa. Hehe . Intiendes?
Okay, so those are the reasons why I would (if ever) enter a relationship. The reasons why I would not enter into a relationship will be outlined some other time, so hold your horses…
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